I went for a really long walk with Wilson (my Jack Russell puppy) today. I needed it. Luckily, it was a beautiful sunny day and we could walk along the river bank, enjoying the sunshine warming our backs. With every step I took, a part of me felt a sense of self come back. I had somehow lost myself in an endless questioning, fearful place.
For the last few weeks I couldn’t turn them off. Phrases, words in my head. Numbing, stressful and pushy phrases.
You should. You must. You haven’t.
Though I was saying them in my head each day, they hadn’t become more real and intense than the other day. I honestly felt like I wanted to leave my own mind! It was like this endless record, going around and around. It was a mixture of fear, emotional pain and a deep terrible yearning for everything to be different. On the day that all of this happened I honestly tried everything.
I cried for a good 30 minutes. I jumped on my mini trampoline to really loud music (Wilson hated that!). I went for a long drive. I tried to meditate and I even almost resorted to getting a big fat Magnum ice-cream. Luckily I resisted this one.
I realized I was punishing myself.
It’s funny because for ages I hadn’t realized I was doing it. I was pushing myself constantly, feeling tired, worn down and just desperately wanting a holiday but believing that all I needed to do was push harder.
I believed that what I was doing was simply not enough.
I know, hard to hear and hard to admit but perhaps you are feeling the same way with your health?
For me, it was all about my business and taking it to a new level. I was pushing, striving and wanting everything to happen yesterday. It meant long nights, overthinking and definitely overcomplicating everything I was doing. They were also words that I had never used before.
Should. Must. Haven’t got.
They are truly TERRIBLE words and I hated that they had somehow crept into my head. I hated that they had planted themselves in there without permission and decided to rattle themselves off in my head on a constant basis. I had never used them before when it came to my health but somehow when it came to my business, they were a permanent feature. When it came to my health journey, it really was an adventure, a fun game to see what worked and I explored things as they felt comfortable and exciting to try.
Oh, perhaps I should try sticking a tampon up my vagina? or perhaps I should try eating raw? or perhaps I should try this or that supplement. It had an energy of exploration to it.
Are you viewing your health journey with a sense of adventure?
Let me tell you what exhausts us faster than anything you can imagine…
SHOULD. MUST. HAVEN’T GOT.
This is the very reason I hate the word diet. It brings with it all those words. Those dreaded words that make us feel terrible about where we are and like we are forcing ourselves to do something. That if we don’t, we deserve to be punished for not doing enough and perhaps you may think that that punishment is more days of pain.
Please don’t deprive yourself of that childish adventure that you can experience in this health journey. It is fun and light but only if you choose for it to be.
When you think of something you feel you haven’t got… find something that you do that can give you some kind of relief. Find something that IS accessible and revel in the joy that you have access to it.
You can find a way forward!
There is so much power in that statement and I have been repeating it to myself the whole afternoon. It doesn’t matter what our journeys involve, we can find a way forward. There is always a way, no matter how challenging it may seem at this moment.
Find that way for yourself. Find something that you can cling to to make yourself move forward and REVEL in the beauty of its accessibility.
Because you have so much at your fingertips right at this very moment.
You are ENOUGH and YOU HAVE ENOUGH.
This is my message to myself and to you, because we have all felt that deep sense of pushing for more and wishing for things to be different.
I hope it fills you up as it has done for me today.
Please feel free to share any other inspirations in the comments below…
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anyone has taken fuyan pill? I would like to know about it…
Hello so sorry for ur loss. Thx u for posts . I have enjoyed reading them . They are helpful. Take care.
yes,i have days they feel small and you think I know I was born for more than just this. I have been reading the prayer of jabez by bruce wilkinson. the prayer is “oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.” I have never know what I wanted to be. I have a bad burn from going to college – burnout. I know there is more than just working a part-time job at a library. I do love animals, but going to see what kind of schooling for that would be. would be hard for me. when thinking about diet, I like to think this way. God has made all kinds of delicious food. his fresh food. Gods food is far better then mans made up food in boxes. strange today I have be frustated and low on patience for some reason. My lord had given me truck loads of patience, but today I felt like I only had one bucket. I know this should pass. sometimes emotions get stuck and bounce around. we have to direction them in a good path.