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Why We Shouldn’t Just Rush into Wanting to Get Pregnant

I think there is a strange panic that happens when you have a miscarriage. You start to believe that there is something innately wrong with you. Like you just won’t be able to have children, that your time has passed, that there is some time frame that you have missed and that you need to hurry up, because perhaps you will miss the boat all together. Or perhaps… this is just what I felt.

I know I have been thinking these thoughts for a few months now and a strange sense of being overwhelmed came over me, whenever I thought about having a child and how I was ever going to achieve it. It was like this unknown beautiful thing that just seemed to happen for others so easily and yet seems so impossible when you are in it, or if you have experienced a miscarriage.

Well, as usual I had to investigate further and try and figure out why it was happening and more importantly what I could do from it happening again. Initially, my main focus was just on getting pregnant. I figured that eventually one of the little guys would hang around, if perhaps I just kept trying. After 3 miscarriages in the space of 10 months, I finally decided that this was simply not a tact I wanted to go through or keep up. There had to be more to this!

I eventually came across an amazing audio and book by Dr Roy Dittman, called Brighton Baby. In the audio version, he describes how many women he has helped get pregnant and what his typical process is all about. What I loved hearing was that he strongly suggests prenatal care and a heavy focus on getting our bodies READY for carrying a child. This was a concept I had thought about in the past but admittedly my “baby stress thoughts” took over!

Dr Dittman explains how important it is to actually prepare the body for pregnancy, not just to allow us to actually carry our child through until birth but more importantly for the safety and health of the child. He explained how so many women suffer from morning sickness, which is directly related to a stagnant liver function and how inevitably babies therefore suffer from colic conditions. His mission in life was to really help women to achieve healthy babies as he had seen and personally experienced many children with autism and other conditions, which he explains as being completely avoidable, with the right protocols.

I think it is so super easy to get panicked about getting pregnant. I know I have!

What I do feel though is that our bodies are simply not ready and by forcing things we are not giving our child the best start in life. We are passing on our health problems and imbalances onto our child. That means that our little one is getting all the toxins we still have lingering in our bodies. All the drugs and hormones we have taken over the years for Endo or anything else. I know for me, when I think back over my life and what I have put into it, that amounts to a whole lot! It is a huge amount of rubbish that I would be passing onto my little one.

So, I don’t think we should rush into getting pregnant like many other doctors suggest. I think we need to prepare our bodies. We need to nourish and rebalance to our best abilities. If this means doing more detoxing, taking more medicinal mushrooms or focusing on correcting our digestive system, then do that! Whatever your personal struggle is and whatever imbalances and signals your body is sending you that it is just not happy, DO THEM!

If you have de-cluttering to do on your emotions and feelings of anger or resentment, do them. If you have mercury fillings,ย get them taken out (safely of course!).

Take a careful look at your personal toxin/nutrient density comparison. Do you think you still have more toxins in your body than nutrients? When I say toxins, I am talking about more than just preservatives in our foods and air but also the angry emotions, the heavy metals and of course all that negative self-talkย you keep up in your head.

Clear it, stop doing it/eating it and really hone in on purifying your body. Your baby is worth it!

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 16 Comments

  1. Melissa

    It’s a total pleasure Brittany. I think we can get ourselves so stressed out about it all, which is kinda ironic ๐Ÿ˜‰
    You will get there. Just focus on cleansing and healing your body for now…getting ready for the little one to arrive.

  2. Brittany

    This came to my inbox right in time.. I have been having an awful week filled with doubts and uncertainty about whether I will ever become a mother. The emotional pain at times can be unbearable as I watch everyone around me give birth. This is all I want in life and I find it so difficult to cope with all the emotions running through me. Looks like I just need to slow down and breathe. Thanks for the inspiration. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Melissa

    Hi Dolores,
    I am super excited that you found me ๐Ÿ™‚
    Well done for wanting to do the right thing for your body and going with your instincts on not wanting to take medications.
    Super excited that you are already experiencing so many fabulous improvements ๐Ÿ™‚
    Gluten free oats are usually okay for most of us. I found I couldn’t handle them initially but now it isn’t a problem. Maybe try some and see how you feel. Make sure you boil them for a long time or soak them overnight.

    The Juice Fast is on a promo this month, so one more day to go ๐Ÿ™‚


    Keep going sweets! You are doing great!

  4. Dolores

    Hello Melisa,
    I have been told by my doctor to get pregnant soon, and that if I don’t get it 6 months I should start a medication treatment. It will be 6 month at the end of October…but your blog from this week is encouriging and I know that I will still be ok if I don’t get pregnant. I don’t want toa take the medication. I am doing good with the endo diet (by the way I had to find out about this my self as my doctor would not mention any nutrition advice, as spected). I still feel pain during my period but is shorter now (only 4 days) and my digestion has improved a lot!

    One question about the endo diet: do you think that eatimg gluten free oats is ok? I found them recently and I make a home made granola gluten free, sugar free, but I wonder if I should avoid oat even if gluten free.

    I am planning to purchase your juice fast soon!

    Thank you for your constant advice!

  5. Melissa

    Hugs sweetheart. We can do this journey together ๐Ÿ™‚ Here is to super healthy us ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Amber

    Everything you said in the first paragraph is exactly how I feel! I had a miscarriage last month, but had those feelings even before it happened. At least I know I can get pregnant now and will strive to become even healthier! Thanks for the inspiration!

  7. Melissa

    Thanks Sis!
    Miss you too ๐Ÿ™‚ Shall try you on Skype!

  8. Melissa

    Thank you Katrina for your wonderful comment. Congratulations on your little one! Your well wishes are all lapped up and shall use them very soon ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Katrina

    Melissa, thank you for another great article with words straight from your heart just as I happened to drop in. Your site has helped me to get pregnant 4.5mths ago at a time when we have given up hope of helping ourselves, putting our hopes on doctors who say endometriosis is incurable. although of course I am still counting the weeks.
    I really really wish you and all our Endo sisters all the best in getting pregnant.

    Kate, thank you for taking the time to share your story. Real stories really help other ladies get a better perspective and proof of which direction they shld head to. Reading your story, I am apprehensive of ‘secondary infertility’ but I am encouraged by your results of working with a naturopath, as with other stories that I have read from Melissa’s fb group, they have also gotten good results from naturopaths.

  10. Nicole

    Hello my beautiful sister,

    Thinking of you on this special day, your birthday, makes me miss you a lot.

    I hope you had a special day and I hope your birthday wish of having your own child comes true.

    Keep up the good work!

    Love, sista.

  11. Mrs G

    Me too.
    Not sure if our time will come, but for sure there will be some health improvements.

  12. Melissa

    Thank you Kate for your heartfelt comment. I am sure having your second child is probably filled with more emotional pain as you have already experienced the joys of your first one. For me, it is all new ๐Ÿ™‚
    I am sure your body is feeling super happy right now and that the time will come when it all goes smoothly. Hugs sweetheart and NO you are allowed to wish for ANYTHING you want – 1, 2 or even 5!

  13. Melissa

    For sure hun! So glad to be travelling the journey together ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Aubree

    Love this. On the same track. Shifting focus from obtaining pregnancy to healing my body has helped so much with the stress and slight obsession that arises each cycle. I do believe our time will come ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Kate

    Thanks for this Melissa. It couldn’t be more timely, have just been looking through your site over the last few wks, only in depth today and can’t believe you only wrote this yesterday. I have had endo for 5 years that I am aware of, I had surgery in 2008 and conceived 10 months later and am so very very blessed to have a little girl now. I have been TTC again for 2.5 years and have had a pretty crap time with 2 surgeries in less than 12 months. I have now been working with a wonderful naturopath for just over 12 months and my latest scan shows absolutely no adhesions or cysts which is totally amazing for me, the sonographer and Dr were amazed too!
    I feel like I am on a wonderful journey which is excruciatingly painful at the same time. There is just so much that I am learning about myself. I now see that my body is physically free of endo but that there is so much more emotional stuff that needs to happen. Its incredibly complex, frustrating, confusing and yet beautiful and hopeful all at once. Thankyou for your site, its very very helpful and I appreciate your honesty and transparency, it is a rare and encouraging gift. This particular article spoke volumes to me and I know that a lot of this is a journey of learning to let go, listen to your body and to your heart and become a lot kinder to yourself on all levels. I just got my period again today and yep, it sucks! Despite having a totally precious little girl my desire for a 2nd is just as strong, it may sound strange but I am finding out that secondary infertility is just as painful as primary. It is supposedly rarer and as you are already immersed in ‘kiddie land’ you have to keep interacting with women who keep on (seemingly effortlessly) to produce 2, 3 and more children… (Don’t get me wrong, the primary type sucked immensely and as all of our social group were ‘breeding’ at that time, it was no picnic. I think I would have smacked myself back then thinking ‘spoilt bitch, at least she has one, one is good, one is enough, why isn’t she grateful for one’??!)

    Anyhow sorry for a long story. Thanks for all the work you do, have done and the HEART you put into this


  16. Pier

    Great article!

    Couldn’t possibly agree more on all counts x

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I'm Melissa

Sick of dealing with endometriosis and ready to move forward?

I empower women toย stop feeling like a victim to their endometriosis and find empowering ways to reduceย pain & symptoms.ย 



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