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The Songs in My Head and How Powerful Music Can Be

Sleep and endometriosis

My dad passed away three nights ago. It was something I have been expecting, so in a way it was a relief to hear it. On another level, I feel quite hollow inside. Like something is now missing from me. A part of me is somehow lost.Β I am sure I will get that part of me back but for now, it is like a massive wound that I am aching from every day.

All day yesterday and today I have been in a complete state of daze. Not really here. I keep hearing songs in my head. Songs that remind me of my dad. Songs that we used to sing or songs that my sister and I dedicated to him. Music has always been that comfort to me.

When I was growing up, I used to play guitar. I would sing songs and play guitar every day for several years and it always gave me great comfort. Someone told me that music is a reflection of our soul and heals us by allowing us to express our deepest emotions. I never believed that to the extent that I do at this very moment. I always wondered how it was that there seems to be so many famous women singing about heartache and loss. This is their healing. By singing that song, reflecting their emotions in their song, they allow that emotion to be released. It comes out, with every repetition of the words and the song they have created. The more they feel the song and the words, the better that song becomes.

I picked up my guitar for the first time in several years last night. The strings were broken and I first had to replace those before I could actually sit and play. I started playing “Somewhere”. If you don’t know the lyrics, here is the song for you on YouTube.Β It is sad but it somehow fits with how I feel at the moment. My sister and I actually sang this song together and recorded it while I was in South Africa.

The more often I sing the song, the more comfort it seems to give me. It is as if everything I am feeling is expressed in that song and it allows me to release the emotion of it all.

Music is incredibly powerful in influencing our moods. I have always found this. Notice how your mood lifts when you listen to positive music, music that makes you feel like dancing, music that makes you feel calm or music that is somehow consoling.

I hope you have found the joy and the release of emotions in music as I have found the last few days.

May the music soothe my soul and allow my inner self to heal. I know there is a place in my heart for my dad that will always be there. A place for us. Somewhere….


Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 33 Comments

  1. Melissa

    Wow! Growing up in Amanzimtoti must have been awesome! You must miss the beach now πŸ™‚ I did two years in London and that was plenty for me. Couldn’t cope with winter…
    Thanks for the offer! I still have friends in london, so we could always meet up too!

  2. Lara

    Hi Melissa,
    I was born in Halfway House (now Midrand) but moved to Amanzimtoti on the Natal South Coast when I was young and grew up there …. great growning up next to the sea. I have been in the UK for 11 years now !!! Your blog is great and always here if you need someone to chat to / vent / express / cry / sound-board ….
    Love Lara

  3. Melissa

    Thank you Lara and thanks for making me feel less alone with it all.It is so great having this blog cos I can find girls like you who are in similar shoes, even on the other side of the world. It is so hard but somehow we also know that we can share this and that makes it all a little easier. Thank you and big hugs. Where in SA are you from?

  4. Melissa

    Thank you Deborah. Your comment has brought a few tears to my eyes. You are very kind and I am sure we will find some solutions for your daughter. πŸ™‚

  5. Lara

    Dear Melissa,
    My heart goes out to you … My father died at the end of March this year and it has been a very emotionally painful time for me. I too am a South African and I now live in London, but my family are still in SA and that is where my father died. So, what I am saying is your message above is lovely – my heart and prayers are with you and I pray that God gives your inner being the peace and comfort only he can provide.
    I still miss Dad and have difficulty understanding why he can no longer be with us, but he is no longer in pain or suffering and is in the arms of Christ and safe.
    Tons of love,

  6. Deborah

    Have just visited your website for the first time as I have a 15yrs old daughter who is just going through a nightmare time at the moment due to painful periods and I suspect its endo. But one thing I must say how proud your father must be to have had a daughter like you. You are defiantely a gift to our world I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for this site a million thankyous aren’t nearly enough. Many many thanks your dad must be so proud.

  7. Melissa

    Thanks Melissa. Glad to still see you around – was thinking of you πŸ™‚

  8. Melissa K

    Much love to you. My condolences on your father’s passing. Big hug from Wisconsin, USA.

  9. Melissa

    Thank you Sameera. Those certainly sound interesting and I shall try and find them πŸ™‚

  10. Melissa

    Thank you Iadidi πŸ™‚

  11. Sameera

    Sorry to hear of your loss Melissa. I hope it all gets better in time for you, hope you get the strength you need at this time.

    May I also suggest you to read (if you believe in the eternity of the soul) Brian Weiss’ “Only Love is Real” and “Many Lives, Many Masters” please? that is if you haven’t already read these. I think you would get some strength knowing how we (as souls) have lived in different bodies since eternity.

  12. ladidi

    My condolences, may he rest in perfect peace

  13. Melissa

    Thank you Allanah. You are so right πŸ™‚ I have so many moments of complete disconnection with myself – kinda scary!
    It is nice to know so many people care for me – thank you and much love back!


  14. Allannah Law

    Oh Mel,

    I’m so sorry.

    Make sure that you look after and listen to yourself, as best you can, particularly now and remember that grief does not happen in a linear fashion. Some days you can be feeling fine and it comes out of nowhere – or so it feels. So don’t expect too much of yourself, if you need to indulge do so, now is not the time for self denial.

    At least you know that there are hundreds of us out there who are thinking of you.

    Namaste and much love

  15. Melissa

    Thanks for sharing. I am doing my best to look after myself and allow myself to let the emotion out. πŸ™‚

  16. Melissa

    Thank you Mechelle. I know I will. It just takes a little bit of time…

  17. kwow

    So sorry, you are not alone, and the best things you can do is exercise patience for yourself in the long process of grief and protect your health so it does not complicate it further.
    Losing my dad did take the typical 2 years for me to recover from emotionally.
    Books w/ systems for processing grief are good, since culturally we seem to keep the endeavor quite vieled.

  18. Mechelle

    I’m new to your blog, but wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the peace and comfort you need during this time.

  19. Melissa

    Thank you Crissi and I will keep singing and playing πŸ™‚ I am going in waves at the moment. One day is filled with tears and the next it seems all okay….. today it is okay.

  20. Crissi

    My deepest condolences go out to you. Allow yourself to go through the healing and remember it is good to cry and let it out and when you are done crying is it still ok to grab your guitar and go on singing again. I believe your dad would be okay to know that you can sing, I think he cherished every moment of your voice. God bless and my condolences to you and the family. We are all here for you as you are always here for us, so sing away πŸ™‚

  21. Melissa

    Thank you Jane! I will put your quote on an A4 Sheet of paper and hang it behind my bathroom door so I always remember to keep playing when the pain inside gets too much. Much love

  22. Melissa

    Thanks Wend. Hugs back πŸ™‚ At least he wasn’t in pain but it was still not a pleasant way to go.

  23. Melissa

    Thank you Jo. Your words are very kind and so caring πŸ™‚ I know my passion for music will be re-inspired as my way of grieving for him. Thanks for your thoughts and a huge hug back!

  24. Melissa

    Hi Kim,
    I would love to do that! It would be wonderful to meet you and to play some songs together πŸ™‚
    I want to sing and play more now than I ever have and I feel so compelled to haul out all the old songs and get my fingers used to the feel of the guitar strings again.
    Thank you for your kind words and your comfort, prayers and thoughts. I can feel the genuine love in your words πŸ™‚ You are very special!
    Hugs back

  25. Melissa

    Thanks Sis πŸ™‚ I am sure you will do a wonderful job and of course I would love you and La to sing for dad’s memorial. I wish I could do it with you but I am glad you have someone to share it with.
    There is spirit and love,

  26. Jane

    I am so sorry about the passing of your Dad. I hope the empytiness you feel can be filled with a sense of peace soon knowing that your Dad is at a peace that passes all of our understanding.
    Music certainly soothes our souls. Just as the words we put into our head on a daily basis, so can lyrics in our head lift our spirits and bring us joy.
    Music’s the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan
    Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach

    Play on Melissa…
    Peace and love

  27. Wend

    My condolences! I do understand the relief feeling. My mom in law had flatlined a couple of times due to emphysema (still smoked). So when she died, we knew her pain was gone.
    Big hugs to you!

  28. Jo

    Hi Melissa, Sending you a huge hug across the airwaves. I think it’s wonderful that you find solace in the songs that remind you of your father and times gone by. Music is an amazing and evocative thing. I’m so very sad for your loss – it is never easy even when you know the time is coming and that now, thankfully, that person is now in a peaceful, restful, pain free place. Remember the good times, keep singing and playing those songs, and allow yourself to grieve as and when the mood comes over you. πŸ™‚

  29. Kim Converse


    May you find comfort in the memories that are yours to cherish always, and strength in the companionship of those who share your loss. I’m so sorry and you have my prayers and deepest sympathies. Sending you positive energy!

    I love music. I live and breathe it. I’ve grown up with music around me all my life and love the comfort it brings. I’ve played flute now for almost 30 years and started singing about 20 years ago. I’m involved in a local chorale and sing at church, too. For about 2 years I even worked at a Catholic church as a Cantor and I would sing/lead at all the services and I also have sung at many funerals, including my mother-in-law’s and my grandfather’s, and which both were two of the hardest funerals I ever had to sing for. But singing brought me comfort and I could feel that it was comforting to others too, which in turn, brought me more peace. I don’t know what I would do without music. It truly speaks to the soul.

    Maybe one day if we get to meet, you can bring your guitar and I can bring my flute and we can play some music together. That would be so much fun!

    Hugs to you, my dear.


  30. Nicole

    Hey sis,
    Read your blog and it was really touching. Made me want to cry, but I held back because I need to keep a clear head at the moment so that I can choose which songs, which photos and which words to include in the card we want to make for Papi. For the memorial service.

    It is so true that music soothes and heals us, and I hope you never put that guitar down again.

    Take care and love you lots,
    speak soon,

  31. Melissa

    Thanks for sharing Chanel and for your thoughts. We should swop some guitar songs πŸ™‚

  32. Chanel

    I’m deeply sorry to hear about the passing of your dad.
    I absolutely understand with music! I have for guitars of my own πŸ™‚
    I have to listen to music everyday, it’s strange because it somehow keeps me sane and where I need to be.
    It’s my source of release πŸ™‚

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I'm Melissa

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