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The Pain on My Left Side – A Very Personal Blog Entry

I was debating writing this blog entry. I guess it is quite personal but on the other hand I know that it will hopefully help you come to a place where you are closer to healing your own body and mind.

I have always had my pain on my left side, my Endometriosis pain that is, I have always taken green malay kratom products. It sits right in there on the left side and is fairly dominant at certain times of the month. Those times seem to always be when I am feeling particularly emotional. It isn’t so much tied to my period or ovulation so much.

I have had some very sensitive few days since seeing the Chinese doctor the other day. Initially I thought it was because I took many of the things she said personally but the reality is, she managed to hit a nerve about something I have been ignoring for a while now.

I continued to ignore it until last night and even today. It is funny but I have this strong belief about emotional healing. I believe when we are ready to heal something, situations arise which bring out that issue really strongly, forcing us to confront it.


My first hint of healing… A book by Louise L. Hay.

I went for a bath last night and I was reading a book by Louise L. Hay. It was the book about letters she had received from her readers and how she responded to them. Anyway, there was one lady who wrote in and explained that she had pain on her left side of her body, for as long as she can remember. The pain went from her neck down to her legs and she couldn’t understand why it was only on that one side. Within Louise’s response she basically explained that a specific pain on only one side of the body relates closely to a relationship you have with one or other parent. Well, this was very interesting because my relationship with my mother has always been a hard one and well, the left side of the body relates to your mother and the right side relates to your father. I found this to be a strange coincidence but once again, I didn’t feel quite ready to confront anything…

Today, I went about my usual day and during my lunch break landed up watching half an episode of Dr. Phil. I don’t really watch Dr. Phil often but this episode was about 5 daughters who felt that their relationship with their mother was broken and needed fixing. Their mother reminded me a whole heap of mine. Very hard and strong and finding it difficult to recognize that they could ever be at fault. When the girl described how her mother made her feel… how she felt like her mother didn’t really love her, that she was perhaps a mistake or that she was a burden to her… well, I just started crying, just like that. It was all there, just sitting there waiting for me to look at it and then when someone spelled it out to me, so clearly, I could see what the issue was straight away.

So, I followed a little of what Louise wrote in her book and combined that with Emotional Freedom Technique to get rid of this feeling inside of myself.

Louise suggests sitting in front of a mirror and acting like you are talking to your mother—or whomever you want to express emotions to. Telling them exactly what you feel and how they have hurt you. It was kinda freaky looking at myself in the mirror while doing this. My body felt foreign and separate from me. I felt like I was a little delicate girl all over again! Well, it all came out, in one foul swoop. I couldn’t believe how much stuff was still there. Feelings of not being wanted and not measuring up, of letting my mother down, of being less than perfect…

I then held the emotion there and proceeded with some delicate tapping. It is amazing. It is like this stuff has just been sitting on the surface, waiting there and somehow once we release it, it all just comes out really easily. It is really important to use the tapping technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) to go with this as I felt like I was going to go into serious self-pity at one stage. Tapping just stops you making it about you and makes it about the emotion you hold—two very separate things!


I know sometimes we feel like life has no logic to it. One thing I do feel very strongly about is that we are meant to grow in life, emotionally and spiritually. We have stuff we need to confront and deal with. For each of us it will be something else. What happens is, we get placed in circumstances which test the very thing we are meant to confront. We might be put in a situation where we meet someone who reminds us of the person we have issues with or we might be placed in situations which test the very thing we are afraid of. Sure, we can look the other way, walk away or shy away from these situations but one thing I find is, when we acknowledge that this stuff is there and deal with it, somehow the world becomes so much easier to deal with. What seemed hard before seems really easy by comparison. Those situations also stop appearing and somehow we can grow more without those restrictions.

I watched an interesting video which relates to the book: The Secret. In this video she talks about how we can allow situations to hold us back because we focus our energy on them. When our energy is focused on that thing, we fail to see anything else. She describes it so much better than I can but it is so true. When we are constantly thinking: I am sick, I will never get better, there is no cure etc then we start to live in that reality. When things come knocking showing us that there is a way, we simply don’t want to believe that our reality is outside of this. If that reality says, we need to heal anger about our parents, we don’t want to go there. If that reality says, we need to cut out certain foods but our emotional attachment to food is our current reality, then we can’t see past it. Make sense?

As much as I love to believe the answers lie in solely taking supplements and herbs, I know that the real healing begins within myself. This is hard for me too. I don’t want to confront that I have issues. I want to believe that I am who I am and nothing but external things are broken inside of me. The reality is, I have issues and the sooner I can confront them, the sooner they will leave my body. My issue with my mother has been there for years. I thought I could move countries and that this would make me feel better but the truth is, I still hear her voices in my mind and I am still angered or hurt by her emails. The reality is, it is not her fault. It is mine. I choose to react to the emails and I choose to give attention to those belief systems within myself. That is a power I can take back and so can you.

The mind is incredibly powerful at healing the body. This is why placebo works so well! Recognize your own powers and start to allow those signs of healing to come in. The answers are all there… you just have to open your eyes and look!


You can read heaps of books on how to do this. Here are the two I have mentioned:

You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)

The Secret


Would love to hear your thoughts!

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 16 Comments

  1. Anand jyoti

    Ohhh ,Melisa you r great,I feel that it’s my story…. Thank you so much… Love you dear

  2. Melissa

    Thank you so much Julie for sharing your story. You are so strong in being able to reveal this and recognise this in yourself. Allow yourself plenty of meditation time between healing. Grieving is so hard and unfortunately part of life and it sounds like you are ready to make that time. Big hugs and love Melissa

  3. Julie

    Hi Melissa,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. This article hit home today with me. I have been trying to figure out why is endo here and what purpose it has in my life. I’m one to believe God has a purpose for everything in life. Anyways, I have been wondering lately if the reason why this is in my life is for me to slow down and grieve my mom’s death. She died almost 2 years ago of lung cancer, and this is the time when endo came into my life. Yes, the pain is on my left side. Sometimes the sadness is a little overwhelming when I think about her and with having this she is the one I want by my side. But, there is also a part of me that is happy she doesn’t have to see me suffer this way. I know she would do nothing but worry about it. So, when the feelings start to get a little overwhelming I try to find the next distraction to focus on. Well, it seems like now is the time to really start to deal with it if this is one thing that is going to be key to getting better.


  4. Melissa

    That is awesome Laura! I am so happy to hear that! You will get there, just because you believe enough that you can!
    Lots of love back 🙂 and thank you for listening and sharing 🙂

  5. Melissa

    Thanks sweetie! That is a truly brilliant comment! Really need you to start writing some of these posts for me 🙂
    I am just looking into the whole acidosis thing today – how funny 🙂 I shall write it up shortly!
    Luv ya work 🙂 big hugs

  6. Heather

    I beleive it with all my heart. Endo (and IC as well as many others like IBS and fibromyalgia) are ALL highly symbolic, and often come in pairs or more than that even. I am doing a lot of research and chemistry confuses the heck out of me!!! But there is SO much evidence that indicates stress (often repressed anger,resentment, jealousy, or just any negative emotion) has been scientifically proven to cause illness and disease.
    You can’t ignore the “physical” side; we must adjust our bodies to a slightly alkaline state so that our bodies can flush out toxins, but so many, I believe, of those toxins are built of over time, not just through “physical” toxins in the environment, but through the toxicity of stress in our bodies. Studies show that too much cortisol is released over time and this is one of the very damaging effects that stress has on our bodies; not to mention our adrenal glands working over time, which leads to a deficiency in the B and C Vitamins, which then makes it harder for our poor livers to eliminate toxins!!! It’s a vicious cycle but CAN, CAN, CAN be broken, and then healed:)
    The tapes are a little weird I admit. They are by a charasmatic Catholic priest, but surprisingly, while obviously religion is involved, this man is seriously versed in the chemistry of the body and the mind/body/spirit connection!! Sorry, my Mom borrowed them and I can’t remember the priest’s name but they’re called Healing of Memories. It’s about recognizing who has hurt you so much in the past and then he leads you through exercises to help rid yourself of all that negative stuff so that your body/mind/spirit can begin to heal. If we harbor resentment we are going to continue to be sick. We cannot recieve true wellness and recovery if we have tons of emotional blockages. He talks a lot on the 1st cassette about being holistic and wholism as well. And yes, you’re right, it can be much easier to blame others, and often others are to blame!!! But if we don’t forgive then we continue only to keep ourselves sick and in pain. I know how hard forgiveness can be, especially when there’s often violence and repetitive abuse involved at the hands of people that were suppose to take care of us and protect us, but we decide, no matter how painful, to face those memories (often horrors and very traumatic) in order to heal. It takes a lot of courage and going really deep down inside, because sometimes we don’t even know what the memories are, but we are courageous women:)

    Right now I am reading about the PH balance and surprise, suprise, one of the symptoms of acidosis (too much acid) is painful urination and frequency! How many of us endo girls have IC or symptoms of IC???? MANY!!!!!!!!!! It’s ALL connected! And what we do for one condition, say endo, will also help us heal our IC, our IBS, our fibro, etc… Knowledge is power. Faith is the assurance of things useen (I think that comes from Hebrews) but you don’t have to be religious for it to make sense:)

    Love, Heather xxxx ooooo

  7. Laura

    Thanks for sharing this Melissa, it made a lot of sense to me. I think you’re right that healing is not just about changing what we put in our bodies but also about how we relate to ourselves, our belief systems and our reality, which we create for ourselves.
    I wanted to share an amazing result with you from an MRI scan I had recently. Having been diagnosed with Level 4 severe endo after my diagnostic laproscopy in Aug 2010, I was expected my scan last month to show I still had quite a bit there.
    However…. I now have virtually no sign of it anywhere and it’s now mild!!!! I was so bowled over and didn’t care that the consultant told me that food had no relation to endo and wasn’t the least bit interested in the alternative therapies I’d been having.
    I still get endo pain most days, but it’s so comforting to know that this is my body reminding me I’m not fully healed yet and there’s more work to be done, so I’ll continue with my new diet and emotional healing.
    Thank you so much for the role you played in this, for helping me see there is another way and with focus and commitment to improving health it can be achieved.

    Lots of love

    Laura x

  8. Melissa

    That sounds really awesome! Who are the tapes by? I reckon The Secret is one of those books we should all have or at least read! It opens your mind to so many new ways of looking at life. 🙂
    So happy you are with me on this theory! So often it is easier to blame everything else than recognising healing is within 🙂

  9. Heather

    Melissa: You are so very right about all you say. It’s funny but just yesterday my friend, who is trying to help me through a difficult time, kept talking about the “secret”. She must have meant that book!! And now here you are talking about it; it makes me wonder if I should borrow it and read it.
    My friend,Elaine, lent me these “healing of memories” tapes that I have just finished listening to. They’re all about healing from all the hurt we experience in our lives, and I think Endo is very symbolic of this. We endo girls, I am finding, have similar personalities and often, past trama in our lives we have never fully come to terms with.
    The tapes are about forgiving the people who have hurt us (this doesn’t mean we have to like the people!) so that we are then free to be truly healed both spiritually and physically. It’s a lot about the mind/body/spirit connection. 🙂 🙂 If we are holding on to hurt, resentments, and anger, then our bodies are not able to heal. So while nutrition and supplements are very important, w/out healing spiritually/emotionally, we won’t be able to get there “all the way” It’s hard but it CAN be done!!!!!!!!!

  10. Belinda

    I have been exploring EFT for a little while and it has helped me to realise that alot of my issues of rejection and abandonment stem all the way back to being in utero. My biological mother decided that she didn’t want me and put me up for adoption as soon as I was born.

    When I can save the money, I want to do a Matrix Birth Reimprinting workshop. Matrix Reimprinting uses EFT to tap on the unresolved traumas that often occur during the first 6 years of childhood.

  11. Melissa

    That sounds really interesting. Hadn’t heard of it before. I wish sometimes parents had to go through some sort of test before they were even allowed to have children! I also found using positive affirmations with EFT works really well. So, saying things like: I am really loved and special or whatever you like….. using the tapping together really works wonders 🙂 It is like the new beliefs or affirmations go into us more that way 🙂

  12. Melissa

    It is my pleasure! Hey we are all in similar boats – mine just came from a different lake 🙂 It is an awesome book and a totally different view on Endo.

  13. Melissa K

    Hugs to Melissa and her commenter Debra! These are powerful things to read.

  14. Debra

    Thanks Melissa. It’s nice to finally begin to understand some things. Also nice to know at least one person in the world kind of understands. I think there must be something to that book and what it said. I might have to look it up after the move. Thanks again.

  15. Melissa

    Wow back! That is sooo sad! Funny cos I wish I could remember more so I can find the source of the pain more 🙂 The thing is, she becomes such a big person in your mind when you don’t know her, isn’t it? If you did ever meet her, she would probably be so much less than you built her up to be – do you think? I feel your pain on this one. Endless waiting and hoping…. yip definitely relates sooo much to endo – you know the feelings so I don’t need to go there 🙂 thanks for sharing! Hey at least we can both say we have the same side endo pain!

  16. Debra

    wow. My pain is often in my left side, as that is where I have most of my endo. I also have issues that I don’t want to admit to, and don’t very often, concerning my birth mother. This article literally made me teary eyed as it all came back to me. You see, my birth mom left her four kids and never looked back. I haven’t seen her since I was maybe 5 years old. A whole quarter century has gone by. Us kids got split up, two and two. Dad kept the youngest two, and Grandma and Papa kept us two oldest (me and my twin brother). I have a long memory, so I can remember all the way back to being in diapers. I think it would be easier to deal with if I didn’t remember. There’s a whole lot here that I need to deal with in my head, and I just always push it as far back in my mind as I can. She said she would come back, and to keep Barbie in her outfit so we could play. Barbie stayed in her outfit for years. My Mom never came back. I still remember the Barbie, and what the outfit was. I see it as clearly in my head now as I did back then. I really need to deal with this, so maybe admitting to it will help me start that.

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I'm Melissa

Sick of dealing with endometriosis and ready to move forward?

I empower women to stop feeling like a victim to their endometriosis and find empowering ways to reduce pain & symptoms. 



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