We have so many symptoms with Endometriosis, many of which we don’t necessarily even realize are related to Endometriosis. I know I never considered that my allergies, my digestion and my nausea were all part of the package! Good in one way as I started to believe there were a long list of things wrong with my body!
Well, I don’t know about you, but I find the whole “pain during sex” to be the worst symptom of all. It seems so unfair and so wrong. Endometriosis is just so mean! We want to have a child, say for instance, but we are told that by having Endometriosis, it reduces our chances quite dramatically, which inevitably means, we have to have sex more often to be able to fall pregnant. Problem is, it hurts so much that the thought of having it more than once during ovulation period is just too much. We only have that small window of opportunity of about 5 days a month, and yet somehow we can only squeeze in two attempts as it just hurts too much.
The hardest one for me was actually having a relationship. I struggled with the whole “conversation” we inevitably have to face before having sex for the first time or at least within the first few goes of it. I hated how I now had to tell someone, whom I had only just met that well… you know how you like to go deep into a woman and that you really enjoy the deep harder thrusts, well, those really hurt and I won’t be able to do those positions. Sorry to be blunt here, ladies, but you know what I mean! I hated how I couldn’t give men that same level of variety they could experience with other women, how we were now restricted in terms of positions and how deep we could go. I didn’t want to be different and I wanted to satisfy my partner to the fullest potential. For years, I honestly believed I avoided relationships because of this reason. I didn’t want to be “less of a woman” and not be able to totally satisfy my partner. It became such a focus for me that I started to believe I wasn’t lovable as a woman and that men needed that satisfaction to be truly happy. I believe it destroyed many potential relationships for me as I simply focused on it too much and made it everything in the relationship, believing that sex was the most important aspect in a relationship.
What I have realized is that in a way there is a positive side to all of this too. See, we have to choose men that understand us and our Endometriosis pain, not just for the sex part but also for the days when we are feeling less than good. That inevitably means we have to find men that are loving and caring and will be considerate and tolerant. This becomes our main focus when we then search for a man, which is so wonderful! We land up with someone who truly loves us and will give on a level quite different to other men. Looks, money and exterior things ultimately don’t make us happy, so having a man that is loving and caring will fulfill so many aspects of our lives and our happiness.
I have also realized just how important it is to truly love oneself. I never recognized just how lovable I was until I met someone who truly loved me! Someone who recognized all my unique character traits and things that I honestly thought were hindrances and loved me for it. Thing is, when you find someone who truly loves you, then the Endometriosis is simply part of being with you and they accept it and work with it, just as we have learned to do for ourselves.
It is easy to feel guilty with Endometriosis. I know I used to. Guilty for not being able to attend a girlfriend’s birthday party, guilty for not being able to make it to a family reunion or guilty for not being able to have sex tonight! Thing is, we need to recognize just how bad this guilt is for us. It is much better to focus on those days when we are pain-free and make the most of those days. Create memories with those days and forget the days where you can’t. Think of the days in your life which give you the best happy memories and focus on creating more of those. Creating this as a focus has dramatically helped me to “get out of myself”. I find sometimes we get so stuck in the now, the hectic stuff going on, that we fail to just stop and enjoy where we are. Just think of things you enjoy doing and do more of them. This makes us happy and ultimately will help heal our Endometriosis. I simply enjoy James and what we have. I make a point of doing things that we both enjoy and have fun doing! Sometimes we just go to the park and juggle some balls around. This builds our whole relationship and really makes sex just one aspect in creating that special bond in our relationship.
See, sex doesn’t have to be this horrible nasty monster, which we have to face and deal with. We can make the whole “being different” a bonding experience. We can share more about the intimacy of our bodies with our partner. We can discuss sex and positions openly, which is all a bonding experience, bringing us closer to the special person in our life.
One of the things I must say about sex is that we should never rush things. It can take us a little longer to get “warmed up” but if we wait a little, things will be far more likely to be pain-free or at least less painful. Also, a little tip on the subject… coconut oOil makes a wonderful lubricant! Safe and effective.
What is your worst symptom with Endometriosis? Do you also find the pain during sex to be the worst one? Feel free to share your thoughts!