I am not sure when it happened….. at some point my outlook with Endometriosis and my health changed. I hadn’t even noticed that my daily routine was so part of my life and so important to me, that I felt at such a loss without it.
See, when my dad passed last week, I kinda went into disarray with everything. I stopped my Yoga, ate whatever I thought I wanted and just let it all go. I honestly thought that this was what I needed. No “strictness” or “sticking to things” or “being good”. I ate ice-cream, chocolate and drank heaps of alcohol – didn’t go as far as gluten but came pretty close :). I slept in late, sat and watched television for hours and totally zoned out of my normal routine. – including writing in my blog. I felt that it was time to just let it all be. Let myself be and be free from everything and anything that might be a burden or an extra worry. It was time for me to grieve after all!
Thing is, what was funny about it all was just how the week unfolded. The first few days were okay. I was pretty emotionally distraught and allowed that to just be. After day 3, I just struggled to cope and started on alcohol and chocolates. They made me feel instantly better. The numbness of alcohol was simply amazing! By day 5 I felt like my world was falling apart. I was an absolute emotional wreck. I had no sense of reality. I felt incredibly disconnected and somehow depressed. I was in tears most days and when I was, there was a somewhat disturbing element of panic which came with it. Now I know there is an element of this that is part of grieving and dealing with my dad’s passing but I honestly think this was somewhat extreme and unreal. I was disconnected, negative and lost. Even an element of severe depression emerged yesterday which was really worrying to me. I started to feel, feelings of just wanting to just end my life. I failed to see his death as a natural part of life and to look at the other side of it – he lived a fulfilling and prosperous life and had led a full life.
Though it still hurts now, there is a different kind of calmness within myself that I know I will be okay and that things will pass.
It had taken me over a year to develop my little routine. It involves doing Yoga when I wake, having a smoothy with fruit salad most mornings and going for an afternoon walk in the afternoon. It generally doesn’t include chocolate or alcohol or any sugar. I love my teas and will have at least one a day. I also love to write in my blog at least once a day and reply to my emails. The whole day is not a burden or something I have to force myself to do.
What I have noticed the last two days is just how much this little routine actually helps me. How important it is in my life and for my personal well-being. I feel so much better today. I feel calmer, more steady in my outlook, more positive and somehow more in control. Now, we could say this is the food, the lack of alcohol to distort the mind or we can say it is the Yoga but personally I think it is the combination of all it – including writing in this blog 🙂
This blog is so important to me. It is my way of giving and sharing and it gives me back so much more than what I put into it. It is an expression of “me” and a way that I can help you to avoid a life of pain and struggles. I receive so many wonderful emails and comments from women all around the world that share how much my blog has helped them. This is my motivation and my reason for doing it. I want to help as many women as I can. To feel better in giving and to give hope and to allow your lives to be more than just “living with Endometriosis”. I love this blog. I love researching and sharing my knowledge that I have gained through my journey with Endometriosis. It is not a job or work to me. It is something I feel so passionate about, I wish I could do it and nothing else!
My routine has helped me heaps. Some of the elements might help you too or you may still view them as something you have to “stick to”. Thing is, once you get into a routine that works for you, something that you do because it makes you feel good and not because you have to, you will find that it become crucial to your life. We all have to find our own routine and things that work for us but I guess the hard part is, that in the beginning we do need to “be strict” and “stick to it” so we can notice just how much they help us. What I noticed is that it took me ages to develop my routine but it only took me a few days to notice the effects of not having it. We all have our own way of getting better and what works for us but for me, it all starts with my basic little routine.