I rarely look back on my journey with endometriosis. I rarely consider the extreme pain I used to be in during my 20s. I rarely think about pain at all now, because the truth is… it seldom ever happens. However, I have had a few wonderful chats this week with some amazing women and I wanted to share some hope with you and them and assure you that “this stuff” really does work.
My journey with endometriosis has been a long one and when I say that “I understand you,” I am coming from a place of knowing, having complete sympathy for all that you are going through. Endometriosis can be an absolutely dreadful condition. I have seen its worst sides. I have experienced that excruciating pain that bolts out of nowhere, leaving you bed-ridden for two days. I have experienced the exhaustion, the endless hoping that somehow it will get better tomorrow. I have been that person that lay on the bathroom floor at 3am in the morning, clinching my stomach, aching and praying that the time would pass so I didn’t have to endure another minute of torture. I have also been there, in that nasty doctors office, with the diagnosis of, “You have stage 4 endometriosis and there is not much else we can offer you.”
I have felt the pressure to divert to drugs and hormone treatments many times. I have felt your fear of the endometriosis spreading beyond repair. I have sensed that longing for a child and that terrible sense of regret if I didn’t do something for my health.
I have experienced all of that and somehow I came out of it all. I came out of it because I decided that I just couldn’t carry on like that anymore. I was contemplating a hysterectomy. I was honestly ready to just have it all taken out. The pain was excruciating. I struggled to hold down a job and my handbag looked like a medical pharmacy! Each day I was confronted with the question on whether today would be a “pain day” or not. My life completely revolved around endometriosis. It had taken on a life of its own.
I remember one morning, after a heavy night of drinking and feeling like my body had been run over by a truck. I remember feeling such a sense of exhaustion of just thinking about getting up. My whole body ached. My head felt heavy, emotional and just sad. Sad because this was my life, in that moment. I would spend my time simply avoiding pain. I learnt that alcohol was a great way to alleviate the endo pain and it had become my friend because of it. It meant I could have sex without pain, I could go out and dance all night without pain and I could forget about the endo, even if it were just for a few hours. I played this vicious cycle for years. I would divert pain in all aspects. Painkillers, alcohol and sleep. They were my “friends”. No one understood me and few people really knew my endo story and to me, it was better if they didn’t know because their “fake sympathy” was just not going to help me feel any better. I think what it really mean was that I would actually have to confront what I was really doing to my body. I would actually have to take some responsibility.
I had blocked and fought with endo. I was angry with it for being in there and perhaps those years were my way of punishing my body as I had felt such a huge sense of being let down by it. Why did I have to get endo anyways? Why were my friends all fine and able to do anything they liked, while my pathetic body was just permanently struggling?
I felt like there was nowhere to turn. I had been to the best specialists in South Africa. These were the ultimate in experienced doctors and each time they would send me home with the same message… you have stage 4 endometriosis. You need to take this or that hormone treatment and come for a regular laparoscopy to ensure the endometriosis doesn’t spread. I hated those choices. I hated having to take nasty hormone treatments that made me emotional and made me gain weight and made me so moody and grouchy all the time. I hated having seven operations that merely alleviated my pain for a year, until I had to go in for another one. I hated having so little choice. And so, I hid endo from the world and I punished my body. That was then…
So, today the sun is shining and it is a glorious day. It is glorious because it is the second day of my period and I am able to go for a walk, work all day and yet still carry on like it isn’t even that time of the month! I have no pain! None… Yes! You heard me… NONE! I haven’t had pain in months, even years now. I don’t take hormone treatments and my endo hasn’t spread. I haven’t had an operation in nine years. I am not contemplating a hysterectomy, instead I am contemplating having my own little child. My life is completely different. Things are possible. Things are easy and endometriosis doesn’t even feature in my life.
I wish I could hold your hand and show you all that I have done to get to this place in one easy way. I wish there was a simple cure for endometriosis that came in a tablet but that will never happen. Endometriosis is far too clever for that one! What I can tell you is that endometriosis is an expression of your body that there are imbalances that needs to be fixed. No amount of cutting stuff out or taking drugs to dull the symptom of endometriosis is going to correct those imbalances. We can, however, correct those imbalances!
These answers and more are found within the curtains of this blog. You may need to peel through the contents on your own steam for now (new course coming up soon) but know that everything I have done DOES pay off. Know that it all makes a difference and that this “strange” natural method for endometriosis REALLY does work!
I want to give you hope and encouragement to keep trying and to make those changes. Even if it is just one but make them and follow that journey to take place. The journey is beautiful and the destination is a clean bill of health!
This Post Has 7 Comments
What a lovely comment and thank you for sharing Jessimer. That is so lovely 🙂 I do pray that your pain does end and that you find peace with endo at last. Just keep plodding away at it and eventually the time will come. Hugs,
It is a total pleasure Maria. You can and you will hun! Just keep going 🙂
Dear Melissa thank you so much for your encouragement. Your words give me so much strength. I’m on state 4 too and I had my fourth operation last week. I read all your articles and follow your advice. I hope Ι make it like you. XXXX
Thank you Nikki! You know you were the inspiration for writing this post 🙂 I am glad my information and recommendations have helped you too – it would help any condition really 🙂 I am blessed by you too and your lovely words of encouragement! Your daughter is lucky to have you!
That is so wonderfully put Jessimer and thank you for sharing your comment 🙂 I am so happy you found me and the group too! It is such a blessing to meet amazing strong women like you!
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It seems throughout this battle with endo, we slingshot between so many emotions. I know for myself, I have been struggling lately with the endless hourglass of sand “pain”, that plagues my daily life. At times I feel the reality of this condition so intensely that I cannot see to the future much less look forward to it. Though I know that I will never give up my healing journey, my fears and doubts often get the best of me. How blessed I am to have found you and your support network to remind myself and all of us endo ladies to find a glimmer of happiness and hope everyday to not give up, but rather to be strong and live the lives that we are destined to and be thrilled that we had a chance to do so.
Melissa thank you so much for sharing your honest account of your journey with Endo. As the mother of a beautiful 22 year old, I now have a deeper understanding of how she feels and why she makes some of the choices that she does. I am blessed to have found your blog when I first started to investigate ‘cures’ and treatments to help her. My intuition as I read about hormone treatments and side effects was that there had to be another direction to help, and I have been guided by your book, your blog and your facebook group every step of the way. A lot of what you talk about resonated with me, and I began to follow the ‘endo’ diet myself, and found that there were benefits for me too (I am not an endo sufferer). My arthritis flares stopped, my menopausal symptoms eased off to the point I no longer flush every 5 minutes. An amazing site, with 500 articles!! you don’t need to look anywhere else for answers. Blessings and thank you so much for everything you share and do.