Do you feel like you just want to curl up and cry after having sex? Does your vagina throb and ache and feel seriously wounded? Like the skin is all raw on the inside?
Painful sex is unfortunately a symptom of Endometriosis and can often be associated with both internal, deep pain (the kicked in the guts kinda pain) and vaginal dryness (the aching, raw vagina pain).
I want to share some insights on how you can hopefully reduce some of that pain and also find other ways of being intimate with your partner/husband.
There are 5 key elements to painful sex I want to share with you:
Reducing the tightness upon first entry.
When your partner first enters the vagina, it can often feel quite sore. Sometimes this can be like a tearing feeling or one of being closed up and like he is pushing against something. Generally, there are two reasons for this.
- You are closed up because you are nervous. This is quite common and many women with Endometriosis will naturally close up to protect themselves from the potential pain they feel inside the vagina. It can also be associated with having pelvic floor dysfunction, which basically means the pelvic floor muscles are permanently tightened and struggle to relax. Here are two suggestions which may help:
- Try doing kegel exercises to strengthen the abdominal muscles and also give you more control of them. Here is an introductory video which could help. I will be sharing a post on the jade egg, which is commonly used to strengthen pelvic floor muscles in the next few months. Here is a little more…
- Allow yourself to relax more before sex. You could use a herbal tincture such as Rescue Remedy, which will take away any anxiety you may experience around having sex and allow you to relax into things or try some deep-breathing exercises.
- Connect fully with your husband on other levels, so you can talk openly about what you experience without any feelings of guilt or obligation.
- You are not ready for penetration.
- Unfortunately, due to movie scenes where penetration occurs within a few short minutes of a couple kissing, women believe that this is normal. Without being really ready and wet, you are more likely to experience pain upon entry. The vagina will naturally open up more when it is ready to! Connect with your body and enjoy more prolonged foreplay before penetration. Your vagina will thank you for it and the sex will be much more enjoyable.
Reducing that sore, raw feeling
Unfortunately, with many of the hormonal treatments that are recommended for Endometriosis comes a change in the ability to produce enough vaginal lubrication. As you can imagine, if we rub anything hard against something soft, it is going to feel sore and raw. The vagina contains many very sensitive cells and without sufficient lubrication, it is natural to experience a sore, raw feeling.
Here are some things which could help:
- Make sure you are ready.
- Get a natural lubricant which will protect the vaginal cells. My favouite is coconut oil. You can watch a video I did on this here. There are others on the market but make sure it is organic and completely safe as your vagina is a very sensitive and super absorbent space, so you don’t want anything that could be toxic or harmful going near or in there! Interesting side note: sufficient lubrication also protects the vagina from infections.
- Try herbs which stimulate sexual desire. My favorite is damiana tea. You can find out more about damiana here.
Reducing that deep penetration pain
When we think about what is happening here, it makes sense that more things are involved besides Endometriosis. When we consider what Endometriosis is and that it restricts movement of organs that are often stuck together by adhesions, it makes sense that things would hurt when we suddenly move things about. When we have sex and the penis enters the vagina, it will cause the muscles around the vagina to close in and out. We are also going to be moving organs about with the penetration. The bowel is knocked and moved, along with the bladder. Any organs within our lower abdominal cavity are likely to experience some knocking or moving while we are having sex.
These organs are supposed to glide easily over each other with any form of movement but with having Endometriosis, women experience adhesions and a restriction of that movement. This naturally causes pain, as organs are not able to “get out of the way” as easily.
Another factor to consider is that many women with Endometriosis have a tilted womb. In some women the womb tilts backwards rather than forwards; the ovaries then tend to fall backwards too. This can lead to them being knocked with deep penetration. This can result in deep pain in the pelvis that is more noticeable with deep penetration.
Some things which could help:
- Work on loosening the adhesions you experience because of Endometriosis. Daily massages and castor oil packs can make a huge difference at reducing adhesions and allowing for more movement in the area. You can read about how to reduce adhesions here.
- Go for a Mayan massage treatment with a trained practitioner. Mayan massage has been shown to be able to work at reducing adhesions and allows your womb to be re-positioned over time.
- Ensure you reduce any bladder inflammation. Naturally empty your bladder before having sex but also reduce any incidences of interstitial cystitis (inflamed bladder) with natural herbs. I have written some ideas out for you here. You can also take d-mannose to support your bladder health.
- Reduce bowel inflammation and any other potential causes for pain. Our bowel can easily become inflamed by making poor food choices. This will make them inflame and cause sex to be more painful. Naturally, if we are constipated or experience more gas, this will aggravate things. Ensure your bowel is empty before having sex and if you are constipated, alleviate any reason for pain by getting things moving again. Here is an article on constipation for you. To ensure you are eating the right foods, sign up to my program and get truly educated on nutrition, beyond simply following the Endometriosis diet or any other type of diet.
What to do after sex…
It is natural to want to go to sleep after sex or to curl up afterward. Try to resist this and follow these ideas instead:
- Go to the toilet as soon as you can. You want to alleviate any pressure that may have come about through having sex and letting go of anything you may have held onto. Let it out!
- Open up the area and let the blood circulation flow through your body and abdominal cavity. We want to let the blood flow easily and without restriction. This ensures you get enough oxygen to the area and give it loads of nourishment. This will help your body and alleviate the tightness which often builds up afterward.
- Take loads of deep breaths. Breathe in to the count to 10, hold to 10 and breathe out to 10. You will be amazed at how effective this is.
What to do going forward…
I used to experience painful sex every single time I had sex. I didn’t enjoy having it and it was often a really difficult topic to discuss with my husband. I made sure he always knew that I wanted him and we connected intimately on other levels. I strongly encourage this with my new clients.
However, I hated the restriction of it all and wanted to be able to enjoy sex fully, without worrying about painful penetration or feeling sore for days afterward, so I needed to look deeper. This meant addressing more than just adhesions through massage and trying to control pain. It meant looking at my whole body and why it was inflamed in so many areas and what it was truly lacking. I needed a strategy and a plan to get everything working properly!
That is why I came up with my program. Find out more about it by signing up to my freebie below.
Do you experience painful sex? What was your experience? What has helped you feel better?