It has been a rough couple of days. My period started a few days ago and it has been one of those ones I used to have. It was filled with endless throbbing and pain, which radiated down my legs and dulled every part of my body, including my ability to write.
Thing is, what I found interesting is the associated mental thoughts and emotions that seemed to be connected with that pain. I had never been consciously aware of them in the past but I had been reading some of Louise L. Hay’s book and that always makes me a little more aware of my thought patterns.
The most dramatic day was on the first day. I did feel I was somewhat deserving in feeling a little down, since it was now confirmed that I had a miscarriage but what was interesting was the resulting thoughts after that. They were filled with, “I can’t ever get past this!”, “I am never going to have a child”, “I am weak” and “I am sick.”
It would normally turn into a downward spiral and one which simply resulted in a self-loathing and self-hating, hating my life, my endo and all things in it… normally. But, thanks to Louise, I had stopped those thoughts before they got to all that. I recognized that words like NEVER and I AM are incredibly powerful to our minds and that these thoughts create a change within our bodies, our individual cells. I stopped it. I simply told myself that the pain was normal after what had happened and that I would heal from this and that it too shall pass. It was a good time for reflection and recognizing the amazing things I had learnt from the whole experience.
I have opened up a massive part of myself through this whole experience. I am even more open to love. To creating and giving than I had felt before. It feels like a fire has been ignited within me and that somehow it had been dulled before. It is one of excitement, of joy and adventure. Somehow, all of this has made me feel more alive and wanting to create even more. Opening up that part of my heart has made me somehow freer to love on a much deeper level.
Thing is, we can perceive each moment of our day, each moment in our lives with a view of pain or love. We can choose to acknowledge ourselves for what we can achieve, for what we have done and to love our bodies as we do this. We can also choose to fall into a place of self-loathing and struggles, believing we are never going to get better.
It is our choice. Do we want to be victims or do we want to overcome this?
Have you noticed a spiral of negative thoughts when you have pain days? Do you recognize when you are doing them? Have you managed to stop doing it?