It has been a rough couple of days. My period started a few days ago and it has been one of those ones I used to have. It was filled with endless throbbing and pain, which radiated down my legs and dulled every part of my body, including my ability to write.
Thing is, what I found interesting is the associated mental thoughts and emotions that seemed to be connected with that pain. I had never been consciously aware of them in the past but I had been reading some of Louise L. Hay’s book and that always makes me a little more aware of my thought patterns.
The most dramatic day was on the first day. I did feel I was somewhat deserving in feeling a little down, since it was now confirmed that I had a miscarriage but what was interesting was the resulting thoughts after that. They were filled with, “I can’t ever get past this!”, “I am never going to have a child”, “I am weak” and “I am sick.”
It would normally turn into a downward spiral and one which simply resulted in a self-loathing and self-hating, hating my life, my endo and all things in it… normally. But, thanks to Louise, I had stopped those thoughts before they got to all that. I recognized that words like NEVER and I AM are incredibly powerful to our minds and that these thoughts create a change within our bodies, our individual cells. I stopped it. I simply told myself that the pain was normal after what had happened and that I would heal from this and that it too shall pass. It was a good time for reflection and recognizing the amazing things I had learnt from the whole experience.
I have opened up a massive part of myself through this whole experience. I am even more open to love. To creating and giving than I had felt before. It feels like a fire has been ignited within me and that somehow it had been dulled before. It is one of excitement, of joy and adventure. Somehow, all of this has made me feel more alive and wanting to create even more. Opening up that part of my heart has made me somehow freer to love on a much deeper level.
Thing is, we can perceive each moment of our day, each moment in our lives with a view of pain or love. We can choose to acknowledge ourselves for what we can achieve, for what we have done and to love our bodies as we do this. We can also choose to fall into a place of self-loathing and struggles, believing we are never going to get better.
It is our choice. Do we want to be victims or do we want to overcome this?
Have you noticed a spiral of negative thoughts when you have pain days? Do you recognize when you are doing them? Have you managed to stop doing it?
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Thank you Larisa. It is nice to hear that someone has gone through similar experiences 🙂
I wrote an article on Endovan a while back but might need to redo another one. It has been a while and I have learnt heaps more since then.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Around 13 years ago I was in the same shoes feeling devastated and empty after learning that my pregnancy ended so early just after few weeks. I felt confused, punished, isolated constantly asking why this happened to me. My doctor told me that sometimes your body is not ready the first time. I started praying for another chance. I wanted our baby so much and God heard my prayers and our daughter was born 12 years ago. God will bless you too, just ask.
I also would like to thank you for being such an amazing source of inspiration for me and others. I discovered my ovary cyst a year ago after my dad tragecly died. Three weeks ago I had my 1st surgery and was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. After losing my right ovary due to the cyst I do believe that natural way is the way to heal. I solute you for being so proactive in this front. Recently I discovered natural medicine called Endovan. Have you heard anything about it? You can find it through google.
You are awesome! So glad you are doing better. I love that book too. You CAN heal your life!
Oh Melissa! I am so sorry to hear of your loss. A book that really helped me when I went through my miscarriages is a book called, “I will carry you” by Angie Smith. I am intrigued about the book that you mention in your post. What is the name of it?