It has been over 15 years of struggling with Endometriosis and it has been nearly two years of going the natural route and there is this emotion which seems to follow me, regardless of what I do. See, when I had severe Endometriosis I would often feel overwhelmed. I personally think it was a feeling of just being exhausted all the time and yet still wanting to achieve things in my life. I would get overwhelmed with wanting to be successful, wanting to achieve more, wanting to be more and following that dreaded tick list of what I thought my parents expected of me. All this stress would make my Endometriosis really sore and I would have to stop all of it and just take some time-out to heal a little.
After a while, I would actually use Endometriosis as a means to explain why I was perhaps not as successful as I felt I ought to be, or why I was a little chubby, or why I wasn’t further financially. Endometriosis almost developed a power, a false power in my mind that I could blame things on. No one understood its effects or pain levels and I used this to my advantage. Endo finally became quite useful! If I didn’t want to attend an event, I would use Endo. If there was a work function I didn’t want to go to, I would use Endo. If someone was mean to me and I wanted to get a reaction, I would use Endo. It was my sympathy card and it got me heaps of attention. I know I should probably not admit all these things because I essentially abused having Endo for my selfish reasons! I really was not a very nice person back then! Thing is, I wanted some kind of payback for it all. I was angry and felt victimized for having Endo! There had to be a positive side to all of it and since I felt really alone with it, most of the time, I didn’t feel any guilt for using my disease for my personal gain. Fair enough, right?
The problem was, I got used to doing this. When I felt scared about something in my life, I would suddenly develop Endo pain and that was then a reason to not do it. I started to become a victim of Endo. I started to give in to the power to control my life and my life decisions. When things scared me in life, when there was potential of being hurt, feeling uncomfortable, being out of place, feeling lost or silly or any emotion that I didn’t like, I would simply use Endometriosis to get out of it. I gave it so much power that I could develop Endo pain, almost on cue! If anyone doesn’t believe in the power of the mind, then they should have seen how easily I could “create” Endo pain… pity I was using it in the wrong way!
Well, over the years I have really analyzed so much of this stuff and the emotions that are so closely linked to having Endometriosis or any kind of disease. I think the biggest emotion that actually creates so many others is this feeling of being overwhelmed. It is this lack of control in our lives which is just so incredibly scary. When that happens, we feel powerless, lost and perhaps even forsaken. I believe this creates further emotions like anger, negativity, hopelessness and a hostility towards everything positive out there. It is also a simple lack of energy to the world and anything within it.
I experienced this emotion on a different level a few days ago. I felt overwhelmed with the task of what I am trying to achieve with this blog. I felt lost in a pool of information that contradicts itself, lost with a sense of how to get the information to those that want to listen and lost on how to really get my message across more successfully without offending those that really need my help. What I realized is that this feeling of being overwhelmed is not just connected to feeling unwell with Endometriosis but that it seems to almost pulsate from deeper within me. It is this feeling of not doing enough, not achieving enough and most importantly NOT KNOWING HOW to achieve things and perhaps more critically not believing that I can.
That to me was the key!
I think if we had a distinctive plan for Endometriosis and we knew that if we followed it exactly and we had heard countless cases of people who had used this method (for motivation) that we wouldn’t feel this sense of being overwhelmed anymore. I personally think the feeling of being overwhelmed would simply disappear if we KNEW… knew without a doubt that this would work and that we could do it. It is the not knowing that is so hard to cope with… in my opinion.
I had to do some serious meditation on this one over the last hour and what I have come to terms with is that I simply must trust…
- That the voice of healing will guide us, when we are ready.
- The voice of my blog’s knowledge will find those that seek it.
- I have to believe in my own ability and give things time to succeed.
I do hope my blog allows you to feel less overwhelmed with Endometriosis and that it gives you a sense of power and control over your health and your body. There is so much information out there for healing our bodies. I hope you find it and exploit it for all that it can give you. If any of you want to help me on my mission, I would really love the support and could do with some helping hands. Whether you can write, take photos or love to do video productions, feel free to send me a comment and we can get in touch to help spread the word about natural healing for Endometriosis.
Here’s to reaching out and believing that it all can be achieved!