It has been over 15 years of struggling with Endometriosis and it has been nearly two years of going the natural route and there is this emotion which seems to follow me, regardless of what I do. See, when I had severe Endometriosis I would often feel overwhelmed. I personally think it was a feeling of just being exhausted all the time and yet still wanting to achieve things in my life. I would get overwhelmed with wanting to be successful, wanting to achieve more, wanting to be more and following that dreaded tick list of what I thought my parents expected of me. All this stress would make my Endometriosis really sore and I would have to stop all of it and just take some time-out to heal a little.
After a while, I would actually use Endometriosis as a means to explain why I was perhaps not as successful as I felt I ought to be, or why I was a little chubby, or why I wasn’t further financially. Endometriosis almost developed a power, a false power in my mind that I could blame things on. No one understood its effects or pain levels and I used this to my advantage. Endo finally became quite useful! If I didn’t want to attend an event, I would use Endo. If there was a work function I didn’t want to go to, I would use Endo. If someone was mean to me and I wanted to get a reaction, I would use Endo. It was my sympathy card and it got me heaps of attention. I know I should probably not admit all these things because I essentially abused having Endo for my selfish reasons! I really was not a very nice person back then! Thing is, I wanted some kind of payback for it all. I was angry and felt victimized for having Endo! There had to be a positive side to all of it and since I felt really alone with it, most of the time, I didn’t feel any guilt for using my disease for my personal gain. Fair enough, right?
The problem was, I got used to doing this. When I felt scared about something in my life, I would suddenly develop Endo pain and that was then a reason to not do it. I started to become a victim of Endo. I started to give in to the power to control my life and my life decisions. When things scared me in life, when there was potential of being hurt, feeling uncomfortable, being out of place, feeling lost or silly or any emotion that I didn’t like, I would simply use Endometriosis to get out of it. I gave it so much power that I could develop Endo pain, almost on cue! If anyone doesn’t believe in the power of the mind, then they should have seen how easily I could “create” Endo pain… pity I was using it in the wrong way!
Well, over the years I have really analyzed so much of this stuff and the emotions that are so closely linked to having Endometriosis or any kind of disease. I think the biggest emotion that actually creates so many others is this feeling of being overwhelmed. It is this lack of control in our lives which is just so incredibly scary. When that happens, we feel powerless, lost and perhaps even forsaken. I believe this creates further emotions like anger, negativity, hopelessness and a hostility towards everything positive out there. It is also a simple lack of energy to the world and anything within it.
I experienced this emotion on a different level a few days ago. I felt overwhelmed with the task of what I am trying to achieve with this blog. I felt lost in a pool of information that contradicts itself, lost with a sense of how to get the information to those that want to listen and lost on how to really get my message across more successfully without offending those that really need my help. What I realized is that this feeling of being overwhelmed is not just connected to feeling unwell with Endometriosis but that it seems to almost pulsate from deeper within me. It is this feeling of not doing enough, not achieving enough and most importantly NOT KNOWING HOW to achieve things and perhaps more critically not believing that I can.
That to me was the key!
I think if we had a distinctive plan for Endometriosis and we knew that if we followed it exactly and we had heard countless cases of people who had used this method (for motivation) that we wouldn’t feel this sense of being overwhelmed anymore. I personally think the feeling of being overwhelmed would simply disappear if we KNEW… knew without a doubt that this would work and that we could do it. It is the not knowing that is so hard to cope with… in my opinion.
I had to do some serious meditation on this one over the last hour and what I have come to terms with is that I simply must trust…
- That the voice of healing will guide us, when we are ready.
- The voice of my blog’s knowledge will find those that seek it.
- I have to believe in my own ability and give things time to succeed.
I do hope my blog allows you to feel less overwhelmed with Endometriosis and that it gives you a sense of power and control over your health and your body. There is so much information out there for healing our bodies. I hope you find it and exploit it for all that it can give you. If any of you want to help me on my mission, I would really love the support and could do with some helping hands. Whether you can write, take photos or love to do video productions, feel free to send me a comment and we can get in touch to help spread the word about natural healing for Endometriosis.
Here’s to reaching out and believing that it all can be achieved!
This Post Has 17 Comments
Thank you Kirsten! I am glad you appreciate what I share. I know going natural feels harder but it does work. It just takes a little longer 🙂
Keep searching and things will be okay 🙂
You probably don’t realise how many ladies you are actually helping!! you really are wonderful support, and when I am having a day when I feel completly over it and about ready to give up, the best thing for me to do is to sit down and read your blog, to put me all back into perspective. . You have so so much honest information, it really is empowering. I am trying to put some of your tips into practice. I am all for the natural healing, although sometimes it feels like its never going to work. I agree that if we knew for sure somthng was going to work,it would be so much easier to stick with. but i guess as you say i have to trust, and that fact that I am trying different ways, in my mind makes me feel a better
thanks so much for everything, we all appreiciate what you do!
Thanks Jane and thanks for your kind words. It made me feel less alone to know there is someone else out there with this emotion. I personally like to blame hormones for all of it – endo or not! That way, it isn’t “me” but some foreign things! 🙂
You are right though. I need to believe it for myself and focus more on what it gives me, than necessarily what it might give others. I know it sounds a little selfish but ultimately I should focus on healing myself properly and then the healing of others will be even easier.
Thanks so much and big hugs back! You are awesome too!
Thank you Melanie! I am glad my blog has been your companion during your recovery. I hope you feel better soon 🙂
Hi Sangeeta, Mine seems to only hit me at certain times of the month – might make a note of it so I know to expect it 🙂
I have read about Bamboo that apparently fixes this for us….especially if we feel this way alot! Did you ever get this info I sent you via Facebook a couple of weeks ago? http://www.britishhomeopathic.org/export/sites/bha_site/hh_article_bank/medicines_a_to_j/summer_2008.1_bamboo.pdf
Ditto Melissa. I feel so many emotions that you mentioned. I think the big thing that you have to remember is that your voice on all your blogs is a comfort to so many who feel alone. They are not the only one.
I am guilty of many of the attributes you mentioned in the article. I do let Endo control me and now that I am seeing a new doctor who says that it does not feel I have Endo, I am really searching. If I can’t blame Endo then It is just ME. I am the screw up with cause. This is really hard. This has been a hard week with pain and also an emotional week and YES there is a connection to EMOTIONS and ENDO Pain. There is no doubt.
Melissa you are doing so much. But you have to believe that. That comes from the inside out. I know because I battle with what others tell me and then I don’t believe it. Example: I have been tutoring a student and he has really improved. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me, it must be his TEACHER and PARENTS not ME. This is after being told more then once how much they appreciate all my help and are so happy with me. GO figure.
LOve and hugs you are AWESOME 🙂
I think you are doing a really great job, you have given me so much inspiration and hope.
I was even telling a friend last night about your blog. I have been off work recovering from my recent laperoscopy and I’ve been reading your blog lots. I have been given so many ideas about how I can help myself so really I just wanted to say thank you!
I feel like this all the time but I am unable to control my emotions most of the time.
Christi. Hey at least we were going through the same emotion together 🙂
Thanks Cathy. It is wonderful to hear 🙂
Thanks Madhumita. I am so happy to hear from you and that my blog gives you so much. I think I was feeling hormonal and definitely blew little things into big ones.
Thanks for the support!
Mel… you really must have no idea how many people you reach out to with this blog.. and what difference it makes.. personally, while i do not get the time (ok maybe excuse) to come and comment regularly.. i start my day with your updates in my inbox.. it makes a huge difference…
This feeling of overwhelm that you mention comes over all so often.. i deal with it thinking that i’m getting ‘hormonal’ all over again.. but its true that it comes with a sense of hostility to all that is positive and a blowing up of little things into big ones…
After much deliberation, i too realised that one has to let go and TRUST!!!
Wishing you all the very best, with the blog and with your personal journey 🙂
Funny, I am laying on the couch right now, just feeling SO overwhelmed today!
Thank you for your blog, had it not been for you I would’ve been lost in the despair of hopelessness of my endo. I appreciate all your articles and take something from each one. Your doing a wonderful job.
Does anyone feel that stress at work impacts negatively on endo?
Oh thanks Darlene. It is nice to feel valued!
I know exactlly how you feel. I appreciate your posts and look forward to reading the info you post. Thank you for the time and dedication you put into your blog!