At times I feel like alcohol, especially the type that comes in a beautifully decorated cocktail glass! I feel a strong urge for alcohol when endo is sore, life is uncertain and everything is over complicated! My mind races with options and I just want to be numb, just for a few hours and feel nothing. Alcohol has been my friend for Endo many times. To be honest it was a great reliever of pain when nothing else would work. I should probably not really admit this but I am sure you have discovered the same thing with alcohol!
Well, last week Friday, I gave in to the urge and decided to feel that floaty feeling for a night. It was easy enough and it is so easy to find people to go out with when you are in the drinking spirit – excuse the pun! New Zealand and Australia have such a strong drinking culture that it is considered “trendy” to drink. It is fun when you want to drink – a little more challenging when you don’t!
Anyways, so I had a few shots and about half a bottle of wine. At the time I felt great! It was a great night and talked about many topics, one perhaps wouldn’t brace on if one is sober! I partied like I haven’t for a while and enjoyed the evening with heaps of people!
Thing is, the night comes to an end and then the morning comes……
Endo doesn’t like alcohol! In fact, our whole body doesn’t like alcohol and it has taken me THREE WHOLE DAYS to fully recover from one night of alcohol! Admittedly it hasn’t been as bad as it usually was but I still felt terrible. Yesterday was probably the worst of the three days. Perhaps, it was a final expression to me from my body, not to do that again! I had the runs and just felt really tired. The second day, I felt exhausted – my poor liver was working overtime! It was funny cos I hadn’t even made the connection between my little drinking escapades on Friday as anything. I blamed my change of life and everything else – until I read my article this morning about how to recognise body language – yes I know I am slightly strange!
I think alcohol is like a toxin to our bodies. It is like sheer poison and just nasty for our poor bodies! I know all of that and that I should just sit and do some Yoga or meditate or something but….
I know when I was younger I drank a little but never excessively. I always felt nauseous. Though my friends found this quite nice – they had a driving buddy – I hated it! I wanted to get so drunk that I could be as silly as everyone else! I always felt left out because I couldn’t keep up. My body just got to a point where it rejected the alcohol. It wasn’t very long either – usually after two drinks. Now you can’t get too drunk on two drinks! Some people found this quite beneficial as I also knew when to stop but it wasn’t really by choice!
It is only now, that I am older and hopefully wiser, that I realise why my body reacted this way and still does. My liver is just bung! That is it and perhaps it is a good thing.
Sometimes, I hate it though. I sometimes feel so excluded from society because of it. People all go out and enjoy drinking. It a great social thing and things can be so much sillier when you’re drunk. I inherently know it is bad for me but there is also a part of me that wants to belong and feel like I am part of the group. Is this bad? Is it bad to want to belong and perhaps forgo ones health for a little to enjoy that feeling?
Perhaps it is. Perhaps there is a bigger principle here. I know that it can be hard to fit in with people because of our endo. Not just because we can’t keep up but because we have to be different. We have to eat better, drink no alcohol and we have to consider our health all the time. This may be strenuous but it is a choice we are taking for our health and for the better of who we are. We have chosen to heal ourselves the natural way and to put our body first! Everything about who we are in so inherently directing us to be pure and healthy. I guess we just need to find a place to belong within health and find others that share our belief in health and putting our bodies first! Luckily, we have spaces like this to do that!