There is something deeply empowering about deciding to heal yourself. You can learn about the body and how it works and you can figure out all these amazing mechanisms and how extraordinary our bodies really are. You make the connections with vitamins and minerals and what they do in the body and then we delve into how to find these very neat little ingredients which we suspect our bodies are lacking. We eat for nutrition and we feel better and so we continue, and the excitement of it all is empowering and incredibly interesting.
We dig deeper and the deeper and the more we dig, the more we discover about what our bodies need to function and the more we seek out foods to help our body heal. We try supplement “foods” and super foods (because they have heaps of nutritional power) and teas, tinctures and any form of “food” or nutrient source we can get. There is power in that. There is power in feeling like we can control what is going on in our bodies.
Perhaps there is a nasty twist to all this though…
When I had my wedding, I let it all go. I didn’t fuss that much about packing my supplements and though I followed my diet to some degree, I also splurged out and had chocolate and ice-cream and even some bread! (Oh my!) I just let myself be. I didn’t want to be “good” or stress about how my body was doing and whether I was deferring from my healing journey. I just wanted to be happy and enjoy myself for that week, even if that meant a little discomfort on the toilet the next morning. I think with the wonderful experience of it all, my body seemed to cope with these things much better than it normally would.
But here’s the thing. Since coming back, I have felt like I need to take back the reins and get back on my horse and yes… take control again. Get everything back to normal and be diligent and stick to things. Being in control gives me a sense of ironic calm. I feel like as long as I have a strategy and a plan for my healing that everything is going to be okay. When I thought about my miscarriage, I instantly thought of several things I could do to ensure it didn’t happen again. A long list of detoxing and methods which I hadn’t explored yet. I was making myself feel better by taking control of my health and my body and implementing a strategy to get me there.
In a way, perhaps this is not a bad thing. Perhaps it gives me hope because there are things I think of, which I haven’t tried and that I can explore further. I don’t just sit in one space and wait for a miracle to happen and bless me with a child. I take action and I do stuff to make things happen!
Here’s the conundrum. Is the need for control causing me stress? It was so nice in a way to just eat anything that I felt like and not think too much, “Oh, does this have gluten in it?” Is this constant need to pull in the reins creating stress in strange ways, like social situations and “fitting in” and having to shop and prepare foods differently?
Is it making me more focused and strategic? Do you find making a strategy for your healing and following a plan helps you? Do you think sometimes that it actually makes you more stressed out?