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I Wish I Had Known…

I wish I had known that my body was my temple. That everything I ate and did to it would have an influence on how it felt.

I wish I had known that there is no inevitability with health. That no one doctor or person could truly know what my body was capable of.

I wish I had known that no matter what happened or how worried I was about things that everything was going to be okay. That the answers would come and I would find a way.

There have been so many days, hours and years of my life where I have questioned myself, my health and where I was. I would pull things apart, put a close lens on who I am and try to find some deep-set solution to improve myself and my life. Somehow, no matter how far or deep I had been before didn’t compare to what I needed to focus on right now. Somehow, that inner voice of questioning never quit. It was my inner voice of doubt and that constant need to fix and improve. If my health was good, how could it be better?

I believed that the power of it all had to come from somewhere inside of me. That I needed to know more, research more and just work on myself more. It was an endless hunt and search of a never-ending improvement that never seemed to arrive.

I wish I had known that at some point, we have to stop and observe, listen and enjoy. Play. Marvel. Connect. Love.

I’ll be honest with you. I sometimes have these horrible thoughts where I regret not having found this way of healing sooner. I regret having gone down the path of hormones, drugs and painkillers. Not just because now I have to spend a huge amount of time cleaning it all out of my body but because I feel like so many of those years were wasted, that I was not utilizing my full potential. The Endo had limited my life. It had brainwashed my mind. I would often feel emotional, overwhelmed, have pain and feel tired. I didn’t have the energy to try new things, pick myself up and explore.

I also spent a huge portion of that time just not loving myself very much.

I was angry. Angry that I had a body that didn’t function the way it was meant to. I was angry that other girls, aged the same age as me, could drink all night and get up totally fine the next morning. I was angry that my diagnosis had said that I should not work in stressful environments, which limited my career prospects. In essence, I spent a large portion of those years just not loving my body.

The Endo has been a huge teacher. Not just to teach me about natural health but more a teacher of patience and love. I had to move to a place of marvel, of love for my body. Without it, I would eternally feel that deeply set anger which was oh-so-completely counterintuitive to my healing! The body is a marvel. It can heal and create life and it can alter the effects of imbalances in the body. If you have spent any length of time really trying to delve into how the body works, you will know that it is a neverending source of learning as everything influences each other and each element has several purposes. It truly is an amazing graceful power.

I want to share this new vision and profound outlook with you…

Over the next few months I want to share a new vision with you. It is the new vision for my blog, my website and ultimately my business. I want my new passion to sustain me, to provide for me but also to allow me to reach in ways I am not able to do on this level. It is the new frontier for me, you and all the women with Endometriosis. I am so happy that you are on this journey with me and can experience this new transformation as it happens.

Know that you are all that you need to be. That everything you need to know will arrive for you. That you are enough as you are right now.

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 13 Comments

  1. Melissa

    It does take time sweets but also consider detoxification and emotional healing along with your journey 🙂

  2. Deb

    Couldn’t agree more. Four years on from trying to have a baby and switching my focus from fertility to healing my endo, a whole new positive natural world has opened up to me which I am very grateful for. However, I am 5 months into my endo diet, lots of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, supplements, serapeptase, arvigo massage and energy healing but the symptoms during my periods persist. Any idea what I could be missing or do you think more time is needed?
    Also wanted to say thanks for your blog and opening my eyes up to this world and making us all feel less isolated throughout this journey.

  3. Melissa

    Wow Jessimer 🙂 You have brought a tear to my eye. I often forget how much my words can influence others and transform lives. Thank you for reminding me that my words do get read and that they do make an impact.
    You are doing so great and your healing journey is such a blessing. Just keep going and the answers eventually land at your feet.
    Thank you for your encouragement and for motivating me to take my passions and make them the dream come true 🙂

  4. Jessimer

    Thank you for your honesty and humility. As I read this post, I felt as though I must have written these words. Anger, gosh have I been angry. Though almost every fiber of my being knows that anger leads nowhere positive or healthy, too many times this is exactly where I end up. It is easy, at times, to blame the anger on the pain and misery. I have been following your blog and advice now for about seven months, and I wanted to let you know how inspiring, how special, how beautiful, and how encouraging you, your stories, and your advice has been to me. Through your constant encouragement, I have burst forth everyday with the strength and the knowledge to love myself, my body, my family, and the beautiful world we live in despite the never ending pain and struggles with endo. You have been a light for me when there was none and I an eternally grateful to know you. I sincerely hope that you continue to have the opportunity to follow your passions where ever they may lead you.

  5. jane

    Well said Melissa… I can so relate. Especially with the anger that spiraled out of control and all the days digging myself out of that hole.
    A lot has to do with the negative self talk we are all so prone to.
    You can have thoughts. But don’t let them build a nest in your mind. I think I let my thoughts build a city. Now.. I have to work on the re thinking, I have to trust myself and I have to believe that I will come out better on the other side.
    Thank you for all your words and all your support.
    Love and hugs.
    Jane

  6. Melissa

    Thank you Sherry 🙂 It is wonderful to help others with my learnings.

  7. Melissa

    Sorry to hear that Liz. I would focus on Cleansing 🙂 and getting your gut flora in order. Makes a huge difference to our immune system.
    Hugs sweetheart,

    Melissa

  8. Melissa

    Thank you hun 🙂 Much love to you too!

  9. Melissa

    Thank you Pam and your encouragement is wonderful 🙂
    I guess the saying of “better late than never” applies to us! I am also 38 now!

  10. Pam

    Thanks for your honesty. What’s the old saying? If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. It’s easy to second guess yourself and pile on the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” guilt. But you have risen above it, taken steps to correct bad habits to make your life better, and are passing on your wisdom. To learn so early, there is such a wonderful future ahead of you, filled with love and health. Enjoy every minute of it, looking back only to remind yourself of the journey. 🙂

    I didn’t learn I had endo until I was 38, so I’m late to this party, but I know it’s never too late to take that first step on the path to healing. Every day is new and changing how you think and act (and eat) is not as difficult as it looks from the outside. It merely takes practice.

  11. Sherry

    Beautifully written Mellissa, and very true; and the wisdom that comes with all that experience is so priceless, and helps so many of us…

  12. Aubree

    This is really beautiful Melissa. Thank you so much for sharing. Much, much love to you.

  13. Liz

    Melissa, I can so relate to your emotions expressed here. I have been angry too — we want to live healthy, fruitful lives and when our bodies don’t cooperate, it is more than frustrating.

    I like what I Corinthians 6:19,20 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price; therefore, honor God with your bodies.”

    I’m still struggling each day – no longer with endometriosis symptoms, but with this auto immune illness I have called Polymyositis. Some days it gets the best of me. Whew….

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I'm Melissa

Sick of dealing with endometriosis and ready to move forward?

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