My deep yearning to help you my reader never really left me. I wanted to do that more than anything else. I wanted to provide you with the tools and the support you needed but somewhere along my own journey, I lost my path in providing that for you. I got stuck in a yucky place and I didn’t know how to find that part of me that could actually truly be there for you. I didn’t feel like I was honouring my word for the longest time because I felt like I couldn’t be some better version of myself that I had concocted in my head. Somewhere I convinced myself that I needed to be better, somehow more than I was, to be of service to you and for that I am truly sorry. The irony is not lost on me.. I have inherently failed to be there for you because of my own desires to be more for you. Prettier, skinnier, more knowledgeable and more like those young beautiful women I landed up comparing myself to on Instagram.
I know when it all went wrong now …
I lost sight of the reason I created this blog way back in 2010. I lost sight of the reason I kept going for as long as I did. It was the connection and the change I was making in the lives of women like you. Peoples lives. Families lives. The lives that can be shifted by the relief, the hope or the transformation they experience through shifting away or out of pain. The transformations that can happen when we start to believe and trust in our health and our ability to heal. I somehow got lost in a sea of numbers and figures and likes and comparison.
The yucky place convinced me that my message didn’t need to be heard because I was now amongst many sharing about endometriosis. I started to believe that you have heard it all before. I was trying desperately to come up with something interesting, something unique to write about. Desperately wanting to prove that I deserved a spot. Every day felt like a huge pressure to give you that. To somehow make myself stand out because let’s be honest, I didn’t believe in myself enough to think that I already did. I got scared. Scared of the judgements and the nasty comments. I got stuck in a yucky place where I was more focused on those who were against me, rather than helping those who needed me.
It is hard for me to admit all of this to you. I don’t like being and feeling like this but the truth is, I don’t know how else I can reconnect with this platform and the readers of it without being so raw and honest. I never wanted to admit that I have weaknesses. I never wanted to admit that I still feel so much of those emotions I have been ragging on about for us all to let go of. I myself have not fully let go of so many of them. I still feel like that little scared child so desperate to be liked and respected. I still have warped ideas about how to be valued and yearning too much for it to come from outside of myself, rather than trusting that I can reach inward whenever I need it.
So, with this… I want to say I am sorry. I truly hope we can reconnect again and begin a new journey together as we heal ourselves – whether it is physically or emotionally. Will you take my hand?
This Post Has 23 Comments
Thank you sweetheart. It is lovely to hear this cos I also have bad days and lose motivation and courage to continue doing this work sometimes.
hugs for your sweet words
I was having a hard time lately, thus I read your blog only now, but I would like to let you know that you should not feel like that. I have a long endo history, and never got in contact with you in person, as I really like to experiment and research by myself, but I have to tell you that what you are doing is amazing. I love the way how you are explaining things so that they are easy to understand and digestable. And you are always there for us! You deliver incredible amount of energy and positivity with all of your blogs and activities. I love your website, and please continue what you are doing. We all need you! Lots of love,
Thank you Malin.
Beautiful and honest. I believe everyone has a unique way of delivering information even if the information different people interpret things differently. Really appreciate your take on things and find it unique and helpful even with so many sharing information nowadays.
Hugs sweetheart. Glad I could be there for you 😉
Thank you for just being there when needed.Your posts are helping a lot in my journey of recovery. Appreciate your honesty.
Hugs Amber. Yes, it was sooo long ago now and so happy you are still following me after all of these years 😉
Thank you for your kind words which are so important and something I think I need to remind myself of more often. Be happy in the moment and trust in this joy we have right now.
Glad to be here for you as I guide you through your journey of true healing and thanks for sharing your thoughts. I shall print them and frame them in my office.
So good to hear from you and thanks for being here still. Love and hugs always 😉
So happy to hear that Sharon 😉 I will continue to be that beacon of light.
Thank you sweetheart.
I’m always here for you! You are a dear wonderful friend! Thank you for helping me and always encouraging me! I’m so sorry we lost touch for a bit, but let’s stay in better touch from now on! Much love and hugs always!
I love you! XO
Looking forward to More Melissa! ????
Dearest, it’s 100% big okay to feel whatever going on in your inner. If we suppress it only the issue. Yes, we go with whatever we are attached. Same time you are really beautiful in inner and outer as no one won’t be honest in this way after you have done much in having your own ways to share us the important message as yes you can heal yourself. I left alopathy and started focusing holistic way because of your web page. Still I’m here even though I’m not able fully do all as you suggested due to personal reasons. I do what I can. Thank you so much????
We are not satisfied due to our minds. It allways projects our happiness to future. You be such then you will be happy. This game we play from birth to death. Whatever we did as mind suggested to be better version which society asks, we were happy in the moment of getting it. May be degree, good health , patner etc . Soon our mind says now that is there but not enough , do this. So when can we be satisfied. Never????. Right now only it is possible being thankful to what we have already. Because whatever before getting we were present. Sometimes for a one no use of other one’s sayings. Just his or her own experience teaches it. It’s the best. So be happy right now. If not we suffer just running after to be better version. Right now if we can be happy we have reavealed that better version which waits with us so long time till we understand the reality.
You’ve been a major part of my healing journey, you were one of the few talking about it and providing solutions over a decade ago. Having Endo back then was extremely lonely and isolating. Finding your site was finding an understanding friend. I am forever grateful!
having endo was a dark place in my life , without people like you who grab the bull by the horn we would get lost in the darkness , you are an endo lighthouse
As people we try to discover ourselves, but the most important thing is that you never forgot the people that depent on you for advices. Thank you for reminding Mr that I can still depent on you. I was beggining to lose hope. Welcome back and thank so much
Thank you for your honesty and transparency. Don’t stop. We need you.
Hi Mellisa, I’m still here
Thank you beautiful 😉
Thank you so much Liz. I appreciate you so much and for creating and sharing through your own work. It is such a beautiful extension that through helping you, you are now able to help more women.
Much love to you sweetheart,
I sooo appreciate your honesty and realness! We all need reminders that those thoughts and comparisons don’t just go away.
I know it was some time ago, but once I found your work I didn’t bother with anyone else’s because yours felt the most genuine.
Has anyone else figured out heat on the belly is a risk? That’s one of the most important things I learned EVER! Even had it confirmed last year when I had some acupuncture and she put a heat lamp over the needles on my belly and within a day I had symptoms I hadn’t felt in years.
Big love to you, and thank you for all your hard work.
???? Beautiful post ????