I think it is instinctual as a woman. Some deep part of ourselves likes to care for and love something/someone else, besides ourselves. We have this desire to nurture, to be there for something/someone else. It is beyond love, like we would love a partner or a husband. It is more like nurturing, caring and giving from a deeply empathetic part of ourselves. It makes us feel valued and important in a space only known to women.
I have noticed that this caring and nurturing desire comes out the strongest for me, as I am getting older and how it has come out so strongly with our new puppy, little Wilson. It’s a combination of deep love, protection, worry and just wanting the best for the little guy. Though my husband loves him lots too, I have noticed that the nurturing side of things is just something gifted to women. We just like holding and caring from a whole other part of ourselves.
I think this is why we have a desire for a baby so strongly. It is like our inner caring, giving part is not being fulfilled and it aches inside of us, because it so desperately needs a place to go.
I know the suggestions I am making here won’t come close to what it would feel like to have your own baby but I want you to know that those nurturing and caring qualities can be put to good use, whether you are able to fulfil your desires to have a child in the future or not. Making the most of everything we have in our lives in this moment is truly what makes us happy. Wishing and aching doesn’t make us feel good and the mission is always to feel as good as we possibly can.
I really hope you are able to direct your beautiful caring, nurturing gifts into one of these ideas.
The world will be a better place for all the love you can give, rather than holding it inside…
1. Find something fragile that needs your care and love. There are plenty of animals that need a warm, caring place to live and we can provide that for them. Think of all the animals out there, who are being put down or need some shelter. They could really do with your special loving care. You could get a puppy, an old dog needing a home or help out at a rescue centre.
2. Give to your community. We all have amazing skills to share and give back, which we often don’t consider. You could help out in the community at old age centers, at a local school or help give out food to the poor. These organisations exist in every big city and the reward you give your soul and heart is amazing!
3. Help a new mother with baby-sitting. Being a mom is hard work and many moms would feel incredibly blessed to have someone to help her out for just a day a week, so she can rest. I know many friends who are in this situation and have struggled to find caring and supporting baby-sitters. I know this one will require more emotional strength but perhaps it will also kick in some baby hormones inside your body, which needed reminding? Try to shift this experience in your mind into “I am experimenting with the idea of having a child”, rather than “this will never happen for me”. I know for myself that this experience really shifted the reality of what it really takes to have a child. It is really hard work and changes absolutely everything in your life.
4. Help more women with Endometriosis. This is perhaps a big part of my outlet. I do get incredible feelings of reward from helping women with Endometriosis and showing them that there is a better way to deal with this condition and show them a manageable place to be with it. It is wonderful to see the transformations and to help with every step of the way. Perhaps you can help just one other woman do the same? Perhaps you could spend your extra time helping someone by cooking meals for them or doing Yoga together? Reach out and give and you will know the rewards I am talking about.
I know they always say “Don’t stress” and “It will happen when the time is right” etc and I know these things are kinda annoying to hear when things just don’t ever seem to be happening!
The best solution is to live each day and each moment like this is the only moment you have and enjoy whatever you can in life, no matter what that might be.
I never liked the idea of spending years trying, measuring and testing as it just fills us with anxiety and stress!
I propose we simply redirect our desire for nurturing, give where we can and let it all be as it is meant to be. Even if we are never able to have a child of our own, we would have changed lives in our community and our world. As a woman you have this innate gift of caring and love that you are able to give from a very deep part of yourself. Don’t let that go to waste!
The world really needs that special gift, which you can sprinkle all around you!
Question: How are you going to redirect your special nurturing gifts in the world? (Answer in the comments section below)
This Post Has 3 Comments
That is so wonderful Claire and so happy this has influenced you to become a much more nurturing and loving person of others and those around you. I am sure you were lovely before but often it is hard when we are struggling and in pain to give outwardly.
Congrats on your engagement and your new man and so happy for your future together. I am sure healing will continue and please reach out if you want to work on a strategy together to help you get pregnant. I am here for you sweetheart.
Firstly Thank you for your gift to us all of you. I’d love to nurture ppl around me more instead of me being the one needing help. I’ve started to change my mindset from helpless/hopeless to I have control and gradually over the last few years been increasing what I can manage… it’s been hard to not give of myself to others when I’ve wanted to and feel worthless due it. Thank you for reminding us to stay hopeful for changes that can be made… the key learning curve for me has been how gradual this process is to recovery but I’m glad to say I can looking back at a year and two years that change has been made and I’m now engaged which I thought would never happen to a wonderful man and he knows I may never be able to have children but we have decided il come of my Endo hormone treatment/contraception and see what happens…. in nurturing my man, me and rescue dogs and my parents. Hoping that healing will continue and to nurture and love those around me more and more as things gradually improve/my mindset continue s to be stronger and more positive.
I have cats, lots of cats I do love them very much and I understand why people think of pets as their ‘babies’.