I had a pretty rough day at work today. I got called into a meeting with the manager of the company and she proceeded to tell me that I was very negative and that my attitude was less than favourable. I kinda already knew this was coming but somehow it was still hard to take.
Thing is, I guess I can’t hide my emotions. They are generally strong and when I am unhappy people know. When I am happy, they know too – which is also great for them. Thing is, it can get me into a fair bit of trouble and I don’t know how to not show them so much or make them somehow less subdued. I know what some of you are going to say – just be yourself and tough what they think… the problem is, they don’t know me and they don’t know I have endo or even what that means. It means up’s and down’s and extreme’s. Unfortunately, sometimes the negative emotions tend to flair up more at work.
Thing is I have found this “extreme emotion syndrome” – another technical term – ha ha or like to be called MOODINESS, to be an issue with other aspects of my life. I know growing up my mother would often tell me to just snap out of it or to not take things so seriously.
James has gotten really good at it. (my partner). He recognises it and does his ultimate best to fix it. Sometimes it can be a silly thing like simply playing a game of badminton so I just stop thinking about it so much and sometimes he runs me a hot bath and makes me a cup of tea. He is a sweetheart! Thing is, I do feel bad for him sometimes. It must be quite hard to never know what mood I am going to be in. I am so up and down. Some days I am on top of the moon, bouncing around and laughing. It is annoying that I can’t just flick a switch and just be this way all the time or either that, just somewhere in the middle. I guess it makes it interesting to be around me though!
I like to believe that it is part of my personality but I also know that a lot of it has to do with Endometriosis and the emotional aspect of it all. I know that there are certain times of the month that I am definately more sensitive than others and that I can sometimes predict this and then simply almost prepare myself for it and more importantly those around me!
Thing is, it is seldom predictable outside of these times and can just be something someone said or something that happens which just gets to me. I find it is usually when I feel uncertain about myself or a decision I have made. I feel uncertainty and somehow everything that happens seems to then affect me more.
So, I guess I wonder if you suffer these same high and lows or if it is just me? What do you do about it? How do you cope when things get really low or you get really upset at work or in environments where you can’t just let it out?
Please share as I really need some support today!
This Post Has 11 Comments
Hi Mimi, Glad you like it and that it helped you 🙂
Lovely blog site too!
Hey there, I’m a fellow endo gal. Yes indeed…I suffer from the extreme emotion syndrome. Interesting. In fact, I have found your blog to be so interesting and helpful. Thank you! Off to buy some dandelion tea!!
🙂
Yeah it is great having an excuse in a way! 🙂
Hi! I really appreciate this post. I definitely get these “mood swings” of sorts, and not just at that time of the month either! My mom always says I could cry at the drop of a hat… and it doesn’t help any that anytime my brother sees me in one of my moods he hands me a piece of chocolate (which only serves to infuriate me further…). But for the most part, at least in public, I can hold myself together. My friends can sometimes pick up on my mood changes, but I either hide it from them or deflect the emotions. . . im not quite sure. Don’t know if this is a good thing or not, but now that I’m getting checked out for endo maybe it’s just natural? (at least the moodswings part) anyways, great post!
Hi Bek!
Thank you for your awesome post! It was fabulous to read your incredible journey in such a short time of making changes! I couldn’t believe how much my nutrition would influence not just my endo pain but my moods and tiredness and hormones and emotions and all that stuff in one go! I am amazed that you had no pain for your period! That is an awesome sign! I am almost pain free on that level!
It is great to see you take back the power to decide how you are going to feel! Good to hear from you and glad you are a follower! 🙂 Look forward to seeing you around even more!
Hi there… 🙂
I discovered your site just last night, it was the first time I had searched for my own information on endometiosis and I have been so overwhelmed with all of this.. Women that I can relate to, knowing that I’m not imagining all these symptoms, I’m not just a hypochondriac or an attention seeker as I have deteccted some family members have put it. Sometimes.. Or many times lately iv started wondering and even believeing that perhaps I’m not right mentally, that I’m actually crazy.. Because of my mood depressions becoming so drastic, out of contoll and easily set of. Ive been having severe anxiety, anger and anguish attacks… Barely been able to contain sudden impulses of violence – literally like something in my head telling me to attack somebody which, after a few minutes when the shock wears of a feeling of hatred floods into my mind and I turn the attack on myself instead leaving me very battered, bruised, weak and definitely drained by the end of the day… The difficulty to simply hide my emotions the way other people do and so expect of me to comes from the sheer magnitude of them, not simply something to put and the back of my mind.. Because it’s like my mind becomes the emotion, like my entire body is filled up with it.. And like you it becomes “written all over my face” I just lost a job partly because of this. … But in the last few weeks My lifestyle changed a bit and I started eating a lot better than I have in a very long time.. My whole body, I kept saying to my partner, is feeling stronger like it’s healing inside. I didn’t get pain when my period came (I just spent three full weeks in severe pain) and so this made me very happy, until yesterday. It came at a particularly bad time, I was out in the bush in the middle of nowhere for Tafe… Which was the ultimately the reason I found your amazing website 🙂 🙂 but also.. For me, the most miraculous thing that happened after my diet change, iv been HAPPY for the last week almost, normal happy and sometimes a little over the top. I’ve been more sociable (the way I used to be) and playing music all the time. My moods weren’t controlling me I was controlling THEM… And I find that music plays a big part for me. It calms me down and gives me energy. Also when my depression mood hits I find the best thing i can do for myself is to have some inspiration prepared in my mind which will help me beat it down. Inspiration that helps to remind me that the world really will go on despite whatever I may have done. Thankyou for your blogs 🙂 I’m a follower
You are sooo funny! Excuse me I am just going to play a round of badminton! I guess my struggle is, the emotion is written all over my face. People can tell straight away when I am unhappy or when I am really happy. You would be hard to poker with 🙂
You’re right about negative and positive energy though because that is exactly what I am doing now. Focusing on what I can do to make the work environment better for those around me. I guess I have already decided to move on, so all I can do is help those who are still staying to have an easier time.
Thanks sweets! I will certainly let our my vents in the future! …..
But isn’t it healthy to let all that out? That may get you in trouble sometimes, but holding stuff in is no good. And I say that but I’m the queen of holding things in! Even though I’ll have to say that in the last 18 or so months I haven’t been as good as I used to. I’ve had a lot harder time to keep all my emotions under control. But I think it’s good for me. It is really exhausting to keep things in after a while.
This high and low deal drives me crazy really!! This oversensitivity doesn’t help. Distraction does help to get out of a low, but when at work it’s hard to say “excuse me, I’m gonna go play badminton, I’ll be right back!!” 😀 Haha!! So I just keep it in until later. Maybe a friend will be available later and let me vent. Or I’ll find something to do to get that negative energy out and bring some positive in. Since I tend to keep things in and I don’t share easily, sometimes I make myself call friends especially if I haven’t talked to them in a while. Give a little love and get a little love back, that’s always good!
Well I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but these were my thoughts for the day!!
And if you need to vent, I’m always here to listen… or read:)
Hi Nicole,
It’s my pleasure! It actually gives me so much at the end of the day to share my story with the world and have people reply back 🙂
Yes, I know how you feel! My symptoms have gotten considerably worse since starting a new job which is high pressure and inevitably high stress. I know it is only temporary and that I have to just look after myself until I settle in more. Hot baths, tea and soothing massages all round!
Thank you!
I found your blog today and after reading several entries feel like I could have written many of them. It’s been a really hard week with high stress levels and severe symptoms that are finally starting to ease up a little. Anyway, thank you for being so honest with how you are feeling and how you deal with your struggles and how it effects every aspect of your life.