I had a pretty rough day at work today. I got called into a meeting with the manager of the company and she proceeded to tell me that I was very negative and that my attitude was less than favourable. I kinda already knew this was coming but somehow it was still hard to take.
Thing is, I guess I can’t hide my emotions. They are generally strong and when I am unhappy people know. When I am happy, they know too – which is also great for them. Thing is, it can get me into a fair bit of trouble and I don’t know how to not show them so much or make them somehow less subdued. I know what some of you are going to say – just be yourself and tough what they think… the problem is, they don’t know me and they don’t know I have endo or even what that means. It means up’s and down’s and extreme’s. Unfortunately, sometimes the negative emotions tend to flair up more at work.
Thing is I have found this “extreme emotion syndrome” – another technical term – ha ha or like to be called MOODINESS, to be an issue with other aspects of my life. I know growing up my mother would often tell me to just snap out of it or to not take things so seriously.
James has gotten really good at it. (my partner). He recognises it and does his ultimate best to fix it. Sometimes it can be a silly thing like simply playing a game of badminton so I just stop thinking about it so much and sometimes he runs me a hot bath and makes me a cup of tea. He is a sweetheart! Thing is, I do feel bad for him sometimes. It must be quite hard to never know what mood I am going to be in. I am so up and down. Some days I am on top of the moon, bouncing around and laughing. It is annoying that I can’t just flick a switch and just be this way all the time or either that, just somewhere in the middle. I guess it makes it interesting to be around me though!
I like to believe that it is part of my personality but I also know that a lot of it has to do with Endometriosis and the emotional aspect of it all. I know that there are certain times of the month that I am definately more sensitive than others and that I can sometimes predict this and then simply almost prepare myself for it and more importantly those around me!
Thing is, it is seldom predictable outside of these times and can just be something someone said or something that happens which just gets to me. I find it is usually when I feel uncertain about myself or a decision I have made. I feel uncertainty and somehow everything that happens seems to then affect me more.
So, I guess I wonder if you suffer these same high and lows or if it is just me? What do you do about it? How do you cope when things get really low or you get really upset at work or in environments where you can’t just let it out?
Please share as I really need some support today!