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How to Handle Painful Sex with Endometriosis

One of the nastiest side effects of Endo is the pain associated with having sex. It is a deep soreness which is often associated with days of pain afterwards and can really affect us on so many levels. Sex with Endometriosis doesn’t need to be painful or something you dread. It can make us not want to have sex at all for the fear of pain or it can make us think that we are less of a woman as we now have the added hassle of not being able to “give” to our partner. The worst thing is wanting to fall pregnant with Endometriosis, when the pain is so bad. Many women endure the pain, just so they can have a baby. Well, here are some things I personally have worked out that might help you:

  • Work out your best time of the month

It is the best one! Once you actually know your ovulation time and have worked out your body’s cycle, you can work out which times you are less likely to be sore. I noticed a distinct pattern in my cycle. The best time for me is usually just after ovulation. We are all different, and your individual pain cycle will depend on where your Endometriosis decided to settle. Key thing is to work that out.

  • Help the “dry” hormones

We might struggle to get enough moisture down there, even when we are turned on. This can often be related to a certain amount of anxiety around sex, potentially being infertile etc. Try to be completely present and enjoy the experience. There are also ways to naturally stimulate your arousal. Damiana Tea is one of my favorites.

  • Make sure you feel like it

I know this one is so largely dependent on our pain levels and sometimes it is not even a consideration when the thought of anything entering you there is complete agony BUT there are times when you are feeling more at peace with the world and calmer. This is a good time to explore the potential, even if you are a little sore. When you feel so in love with your partner and there is not a feeling of obligation or anguish but a genuine connection and a desire to be close with each other. Your partner will also therefore be more understanding if you are a little sore.

  • Work out positions that hurt less

Now, the pain usually occurs when it is really deep. There are certain positions which you should definitely avoid doing if you are sore. The best ones are spooning and with you on top. That way you get complete control and can decide how deep you go. The missionary is also good as you can use your legs as a barrier on how deep your man can go. This is up to you and you can always test other positions and see how you feel. Remember though that some of us might not have pain at the time and the pain only comes out the next day. I find it better to just avoid really deep penetration. I hope these tips help you in your sex life.

I know they made a difference to me.

I do think that ultimately we need to work out why the Endometriosis becomes inflamed and builds up, and for this we need to take a complete holistic approach. In the meantime, enjoy your partner and enjoy sex as much as you can. Remember that sex is an intimate act and we can share what we are feeling with our partners to allow us both to feel more connected and cared for.

Feel free to share, if you aren’t too embarrassed.


Big hugs,

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Nalina

    Try KY gel…
    Really works no pain ladies….go for it

  2. Franchesca

    Typically condoms aren’t used with oils, as oil can break the condoms down.

  3. fae

    I love combining Damiana with ashwaganda ,rhodiola rosa and muira puama as a tea. I find the muira puama to help with lubrication.

    Another good combo is Tribulus terestis synergised with Shatavari,spirulina and ginseng.

  4. h

    But can you use coconut oil with condoms?

  5. Melissa

    You don’t need to go on Lupron for a tilted uterus! Yes, sex can be painful after an operation. Just wait a few more weeks but look into Mayan Massage as an option.

  6. Melissa bell

    Hello Melissa, I was wondering I do have pain with sex and doc said to wait two weeks after having surgery and then see if I still have pain with sex. See I had a titled uterus because of the endo. She was able to move it around better then it was. So hope that did the trick. She said if didn’t she wanted to give me the lupron shot and therapy.

  7. Melissa

    Try coconut oil 🙂

  8. h

    I think another problem is with lubrication. Any ideas for more natural?

  9. Melissa

    What a lovely of your husband to do that for you. Hold onto that one 😉

  10. Victoria

    I would do everything except working out the best time of month and I was still in pain half the time until my husband started his own chart of my pain levels without me knowing it. He found out my cycle of pain and started using it for many things other then intercourse and it works great for the bedroom but its also helpful planning family activities chore rotations and things like that so I don’t have to wonder if its gonna be a pain day. Its nice to have a significant other chart because they can be in tune with you and you get an unbias look at your pain levels.

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I'm Melissa

Sick of dealing with endometriosis and ready to move forward?

I empower women to stop feeling like a victim to their endometriosis and find empowering ways to reduce pain & symptoms. 



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