It has been four days since arriving in South-Africa and seeing my dad for the first time in 2years since he has deteriorated with Brain Cancer. I have been struggling with it since my arrival. The shock of seeing him blind, unable to walk and with little comprehension of things gone past or present, created a feeling of complete despair and sadness in me.
Yesterday, my pain with it all started to affect me physically. I developed a pain on my right side.
I have had a night to sleep properly since my arrival and today things seem better. Perhaps it is because I know that ultimately I have to cope. I have to get through this. Though it is hard and heart wrenching, I know there is no alternative.
I guess it is much like Endometriosis in that way. We are given a diagnosis, that we simply have to live with this for the rest of our lives. We are seldom shown that there are better alternatives to reduce the pain, ways to eat better or do Yoga that can substantially reduce pain. We are just sent away being told that this is how we will be and that pain is just going to be part of life.
When I first left on this trip, I honestly thought I had to be strong for everyone else. The reality is, all I am doing is coping. I cannot even consider being strong for everyone else. I was the same with Endometriosis for years. I just learnt to cope. I think we all do. We are handed a set of cards in life and somehow we learn to cope. It may seem horrible and nasty and unfair but somehow we find a way to move forward and find some ways of making things easier for ourselves.
I know for me, when I first found out about Endometriosis, I suffered for years before I started to really listen to my bodies signals. I didn’t know how to listen and how to reduce my pain. Now, that voice is super strong and today it is yelling at me, to make it easier!
The whole situation with my dad has drawn out such severe pain inside of me. Sadness for him and his daily way of living. He is not in much pain, which is a massive consolation but he also has no quality of life, which is also suffering on some level. I don’t want anyone to ever suffer like him. I don’t want you to suffer with Endo pain either. Endometriosis can be debilitating too. I know that as I have been there, but we still have substantial choices to help us cope with it. There are so many ways to make Endometriosis bearable which are within all of our reach.
We should never question our own inner strength to cope with life! By the mere fact of having Endometriosis, we have developed substantial coping skills. We are told that our pain will last a lifetime, we are told we will never have children and we are told that there is no cure…. None of them need to be true, by the way – point is, we get told all these nasty things and yet somehow we cope. We find a way and find strength in ourselves to make living easier, bearable and hopefully even pain free!
Life does hand us some hard situations but I think we all need to tell ourselves that we can cope and that things can be and that they are all okay. No matter what the situation is.
I know for me, seeing my dad like this has been incredibly hard. I am grateful to be able to be here for my mom and help her. I am also glad I am able to tell him I love him every day and hopefully make his passing as pleasant as I can. The sad thing is, he is just waiting to die and that is hard to take. It has moved me in ways I am not even able to express yet.
We can only be grateful for the life we have and the joys we have shared within it. Love those in your life as hard and as much as you can. Be grateful for all the days you have which are pain free. Be grateful for all the life you still have to live and the opportunities that come into that life. Life is ultimately so short and is only made of memories. I hope you make this day a memorable one.
Lots of love and hugs …
This Post Has 7 Comments
Been thinking about you. I know you’re going through a difficult time right now.
You are right, we find strength. I don’t know how but we do. And I don’t think it necessarily means we are strong, we just find ways to make it through whatever situation we find ourselves in front of. Looking back, I sometime wonder how I did make it through. How in the world did I endure the pain from endo? But I did.
I am so happy you are able to spend time with your Dad, that you are able to share loving moments. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Lots of love and hugs to you my friend.
I cried when reading this because I know what your experiencing. I wish I could take that pain away from you. I am confident that you will continue to find strength. They say we are never given more than we can handle. I believe there is a purpose to why this is in your life now. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk. I’m here for you! Thank you for sharing this. Beautifully written
Lots of Love and Hugs!
At least you have this blog where you can share your feelings among friends. That is another way you are ‘coping’. There’s no rule saying you have to be strong for everybody. When you are not being true to yourself is when things fall apart. Be strong when you are able to be. Don’t force yourself ‘cos 1- you are only hurting yourself & 2- people can see right thru it anyways 🙂 They rather have you be honest w/ yourself AND w/ them.
Big hugs to you!!
Melissa: I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. I hope you know you are in my prayers. I hope through God’s grace you will find some peace and each day can bring you something to give you that peace.
Watching someone we love suffer is extremely difficult and it causes so much pain inside ourselves. I am so glad to hear that he is not experiencing physical pain. I know having you there and your presence is helping him through this journey.
You are so right we have today and just try to be grateful for what it offers. I pray it does offer you at least a piece of peace. That rays of sunshine can bring you some comfort.
I am thinking of you and your family. You have many angels Melissa that are going to carry you through this.
Lots of love and hugs.
Peace I give to you.
Thinking of you, Melissa.
Melissa, I can only imagine what you are going through during this time with your dad. I have envisioned what this might be like when my folks reach that time…I think there’s no way to really know what it will be like until you’re in the midst of it. May you find strength during these challenging and sad days. My heart and my prayers will be with you.
My thoughts are with you, Melissa. I hope you can find some strength and comfort in these hard days,