It feels like a very long time since I got my first diagnosis of having Endometriosis. It was, in the scheme of things, a lifetime ago. I was only 19 years of age and it felt like a death sentence at the time. The words kept repeating themselves, no matter which doctor I visited or how many times I tried to somehow find a different answer: “There is no cure for Endometriosis!” and of course: “There is nothing we can do but subdue the symptoms.”
I admit at that young age of 19 and with so little understanding of Endometriosis or how it worked, what made it worse is that I believed that conclusion. It was hard to swallow. I was so young and my whole life was supposed to happen then. Suddenly, it felt like my choices were taken from me. I was advised to steer clear of highly stressful jobs, jobs where I would be on my feet all day, anything that required heavy lifting. I was advised to just accept that striving hard and working hard would simply not suit my body. The thing was, when I listened to that advice, I did find that my Endometriosis would be less painful and so, I accepted what was told to me.
When I broke the news to my family, my moms first words were, “Well, you have always been a sensitive child and you will just have to take it easy and take care of your health. You only ever have your health, after all.”
Now, I must just say that at 19, I was a very shy, unsure person. I was always seeking approval from others, especially my parents. I didn’t trust in myself or my body and I felt more defeated and weakened by my diagnosis than relieved. It was almost like a big confirmation that on some level, I was indeed weak and incapable. It was also my excuse for just staying “average”. It felt comfortable to stay in that place and to just accept myself as the “weak, pathetic one with Endometriosis.”
I am now approaching 40 and when I look back over my life and especially that period of my life, it feels like that was a different person. I had allowed everyone else’s words and statements and views of me become my reality. I had allowed what they said to be my truth. I had accepted those limitations. I had signed on the dotted line that all of it was going to be my life. The restriction on achievement, the “weak body” image, the “I just have to be okay with being average” was ingrained in me and I took it as truth. Talk about a bad choice of things to agree to!
It was only after the 7th operation for Endometriosis that I just couldn’t accept my situation any longer. I was tired of the life I had created for myself. I was tired of feeling like crap and to be honest, I just couldn’t endure another laparoscopy. It just felt like the fate of doing another one of those was worse than committing to changing how I was treating myself, mentally and physically.
Something strange has happened since I changed my approach towards Endometriosis. When I created this blog over 4 years ago, I had one mission… to cure myself of Endometriosis. In that drive, I have achieved miraculous transformation for my body. I no longer experience Endometriosis pain or symptoms. YIPPPEEE! Within that journey, I had to commit and change the way I was treating my body. I had to step up my game. I won’t say it was always easy and there were certainly moments when I questioned it all but in the end I proved some fundamental things to myself. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t pathetic and I was stronger than I realized.
I am not telling you this to brag or anything like that but rather to show you that for you to experience transformation with Endometriosis, it takes a certain mental shift. We need to get to a point where we stop listening to those people who tell us we can’t be cured or healed or even get better. We need to open up our minds to the possibility that the body is miraculous and capable of more than we ever imagined.
It took some major shifts for me to believe that it could be possible to get better. I had to read plenty of books and watch lots of documentaries to see other people who had overcome far worse conditions than Endometriosis. I had to let go of my label. See, that label of saying: “I have Endometriosis” was protecting me. It was allowing me to be average, weak, pathetic and all of those things I mentioned before. Letting it go was more about letting go of my excuse for who I had become. I needed to take responsibility and that in itself is one of the hardest things to do.
I now face a different level of growth. I need to step out of being okay with being average. I need to step up and become stronger on a whole other level. It is a level where I can truly reach out and beyond my own limitations. It relates to this business and all that I wish it to be, so I can support and help so many women with Endometriosis. I know there will be tests along the way and I know there are moments when I will want to give up. There will the those who will say it can’t be done but ultimately, the agony of not doing it now is far scarier than sitting on the sidelines, not giving it my full attention.
What limitations have you set for yourself? Have you used Endometriosis to get out of making tough decisions in your life? Has it served you as an excuse on some level? I would love to hear your thoughts…
This Post Has 6 Comments
Thank you Sonrie for sharing. I hope it gives you motivation to stick with it. We are only as limited as we believe to be.
You are never alone sweetheart. Hugs to you.
Hi Tricia,
Please read the blog I wrote about Lupron and the absolutely terrible effects this drug has on our bodies. There are women who have become disabled from this drug! It is also under law suits at the moment. You can get better and not have the Endo return without the drugs or the hormone treatments. Let me know if you would like to organise a Skype Chat and I can share more information with you. My email is melissa@endoempowered.com.
to Mel – thanks for your thoughts – I am not quite where you are yet in my processing of endo, but I think I am on my way to that. I really appreciate hearing the journey of wrapping your head around this disease.
to Tricia – I had my first surgery in 2008 and then took Lupron for 6 mos. It was hell – ALL of the menopause symptoms within a week. I still had cysts return as I had my second surgery (both were big laparotomies) in 2012. I have a sinking feeling that I’m on my way to another surgery within a year. I just don’t know if Lupron made a difference for me or not. Good luck with your decision. Read as much as you can and ask many questions.
Hi Mel,
I tried posting on fb but I don’t think it went through properly.
I am 2.5 weeks post laparotomy for a 8.5cm endo Cyst. I’ve spent many sleepless nights over the last few weeks learning everything I can from your blog. Prior to finding I have endometriosis, I already was a organic clean eater, taking fiber, milk thistle, probiotics, fish oil , teas and then some to manage symptoms along with working out everyday. I laugh now that I was training at a UFC gym 3 hours a day with this crazy cyst. That said, I’ve been determined to heal quick so I can move forward. This week, I’ve noticed my prev abdominal and back discomforts and digestive issues have returned. I’m getting nervous about what this means. Some say it’s my body still healing. My Dr. Is pushing taking a Lupron shot once and then one more time 3 months later. I explained to him my concerns and showed him the bottle of Vitalzyme I’ve been taking twice a day. He’s scaring me about the adhesions growing and I’m wondering if that is what my pain is. He suggested I take the enzymes w/ the shot. I also have a friend who shared with me that she’s had to take that shot daily for infertility reasons and everyone in her support group seems to not have side effects more than the temporary menopausal ones. I’m losing sleep over this decision. I’d appreciate any advice you could give. Thank you so much for endo empowered. I’m thankful to not feel so alone.
Hi Mel, I’m 2.5 weeks post laparotomy surgery for 8.5cm cyst. I haven’t slept and just been determined to absorb as much info from you. I’m eating clean and taking a bunch of the supplements you’ve kindly advised on and I’m so counting the days til I can start exercising again. That said, I’m starting to feeling some of my old cramping and digestive symptoms coming back already. Some say it’s my body healing. My Dr. is pushing the lupron shot. One then another one 3 months later. He’s scaring me about the adhesions. Right now, I’m taking 3 vitalzyme twice a day. He told me I can take it with the lupron since I’ve expressed my concerns. I’m scared and can’t decide. I just don’t want to go through this again. I just want to find a regime that works and move forward. I would appreciate your thoughts.