Sometimes, I used to be really upset with where I was within my life. I would dwell on what I didn’t have. Sometimes, it was that I didn’t have children, other times it was that I wasn’t travelling the world – yes, total contradiction there 😉
The thing was that I was internally not happy. Not happy with what I had in my life and so I kept thinking that if I had something outside of myself that I would feel better. It became a perpetual search. Perhaps more clothes? More gadgets? More shoes – that surely must be the trick!
I kept searching beyond those things too. Maybe I needed to join a Yoga Retreat or go on some kind of mind expanding workshop. Maybe I needed to release some old anger? It was never ending but there was one perpetual thought that sat deeper than all of it: I need to be fixed as clearly I am not happy as I am.
For many women that I work with I find this deep desire to have a child often brings with it, a deep inner sadness. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting something but when it means we place all our emphasis on that and can’t be happy without it, that is when I feel it is unhealthy. Believing that until you have a child, you can’t be happy. Until you have a child, your life has no meaning or you are “broken” or that life isn’t worth living.
What about women who have chosen not to have children? Does this make their life not worth living?
Here’s what I’ve learned though my own journey…
Being happy isn’t something we get to. It is not some destination that you arrive at. It is not something you get… WHEN. It isn’t something that gets awarded to you either – along with the big house, funky car and little baby in your arms. No. It is something we have to practice and achieve in every single moment with whatever our outside life situation looks like. So, if you aren’t able to have a child right now, how can you still feel blessed and happy with whatever is in your life at this moment? What is available to you? How can you feel grateful and lucky in your own life? Maybe that you can have long sleep-in’s on a Sunday? LOL!
Most of us don’t focus on this enough. We are bombarded with images of other people having more than us or feeling like we are missing out in some way. Maybe they have the dream house or maybe it’s just an attitude or a way that they carry themselves? Maybe they seem so blissfully happy because they have children?
The Secret: how I shifted my endless searching
I know you think I am just going to say: just be happy in the moment – BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHH!
No, I am not going to share some motivational pep talk with you either. What I will share with you is a technique I have begun practicing which really does shift how I feel internally. I actually feel a change.
I really hope it will give you the sense of inner happiness I want for you – no matter what is happening on the outside.
It is meditation with a twist. Typically, when we are taught to meditate we are told to focus on our breath or to try to minimise thinking. It does work to help calm you down and helps ease anxiety and all that good stuff. However, by adding my secret ingredient, you will shift to a whole other level of meditation.
What you do, is start your meditation with the deep breathing and focusing on nothing for a little bit but then, you shift your focus to find joy in your body. It feels light and airy and you will know you have found it cos a little smile will appear on your face. It has a warm glow to it too. Just sit in it for a few minutes – honestly, it doesn’t even need to be super long to be effective.
This among a few other morning routines have really changed how I approach everything in my day. Honestly, my desire for shoes is rapidly diminishing!
Let me know if you want to know my full morning routine and I can make a video for you on it,