My mom and my sister have come to visit me here in New Zealand, which has been so wonderful! We spent Christmas together with James’s family in a beautiful house in Piha. James and I also announced our engagement to everyone, which is so exciting for everyone! Since then, I thought I would show my mom and sister New Zealand and we have been on the road for a few days already. It has really got me thinking about so many aspects of my life – travelling has a way of doing that 🙂 and one of them is how I feel about Endo, my health and truly finding a cure for Endometriosis. It got me thinking on why I keep searching, researching, learning and naturally sharing with you….. here is what I came up with:
1. I love to travel
One of the things that I have found really hard about travelling is the whole “sticking to the endo diet”. It means stopping at food shops, stocking up on things and certainly restricts the ability to “try new things”! I am certainly not suggesting that we revert back to our typical western diet but it would be great to be able to try different foods and not suffer with pain, nausea or diarrhea because of them. It all comes down to an immune weakness and a poor liver function, which naturally we are all working towards healing.
2. I really enjoy being intimate
I know this is a touchy subject for many of us and can cause so many emotional struggles within our relationships. Thing is, personally I feel this is so important in our relationships. It is a way of bonding, really isn’t it? Unfortunately, with endo, sex is sore and what we can do is restricted. I hate this! I want to be able to “be free” again with sex and being intimate.
3. Endo causes worries
I know when I have pain, even just a little bit of pain, it creates a worry and a stress. Endo has this thing about it, don’t you think? where we worry that it is spreading, getting worse and that somehow it is just taking over everything down there. I feel such a desire to have a look inside and see what is going on? I wish I no longer had any symptoms, any pain and could just be free to live my life without that worry that it is still there and growing.
4. Endo makes me tired
Travelling is naturally tiring but with endo, it feels like we just wear out so much faster. I think it is the body trying to process “extra stuff”, outside of what it needs to do each day. The minute I don’t get enough sleep, don’t eat as well and drive too much, I feel incredibly tired. I feel like a need an afternoon nap almost daily at the moment 🙂
5. Being real
There are certain times of the month where my emotions are so all over the place, that I honestly don’t know who I am. I hate not being able to trust what I really feel. I can go from being happy, to being completely miserable in a day! It is frustrating and horrible, because those “instincts” are so misjudged by the over-active hormones.
I know it is “risky” to believe we can really cure ourselves our endometriosis. I know for many of us, these motivational pointers are like I am rubbing salt in the wound. Thing is, for me they are motivation to keep going. They are the reason I want to cure myself and it gives me the discipline to do whatever diets, drink strange herbal concoctions or emotional release techniques I need to do.
I hope this blog entry gives you some relief in knowing that we are in this together and that we do share these feelings together. I also hope that it motivates you to also believe that we can cure ourselves of Endometriosis. No matter what it takes!
What are the things you hate about having endo? What motivates you to get rid of it, for good?
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Hi Maya and thank you so much for sharing your personal struggles with endo for everyone to feel less alone 🙂
You can be happy sweetheart. It is funny but I didn’t realise how much our food influences our health but most importantly our mind and emotions. When I eat right, I have more energy and this energy gives me positively and a strong desire to do more with my life, to be more. I used to feel tired too – until I realised it had to do with my true passion for life was not being met. – It also has to do with our liver being overloaded with toxins. 🙂
Try doing a good liver detox and you will see how much better everything becomes. Looking for a new job will seem easier and less energy draining, trying for a child will be more of a positive experience, a joining and creation.
I wrote a few articles that may help you feel a little better:
Try to be happy in the present. Life can be so short – it is important to appreciate what we have right now, in this moment!
It is so important that we continue to mention “we are in this together”. There is something very comforting about this notion. That I am not the only one going through this.
1. What I hate the most about Endo is definitely the infertility aspect. I have watched all of my friends get pregnant with their first child, and now they are all on round two, while I’m still without anything. And sometimes, yes, I get into my self-pitying moods. But now, I’m starting to wonder if these mood swings are because of the hormone imbalance caused by Endo (as you mention).
Another aspect to infertility and Endo is the damage that it can cause. After my 2nd laparoscopy (2 months ago), I was told that the Endo caused damage to my fallopian tubes and they are (somehow) no longer in the proper positioning. Normally, the fallopian tubes sit directly above the ovaries, but mine are somehow below the ovaries, thereby making it harder for the tubes to catch the egg and place them in the proper position to catch the sperm. As a result of this, an ectopic pregnancy is much more likely, so I have to be careful. The doctors really recommend IVF for me, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. I’ve thought about it over and over again, and it just isn’t right for me.
2. I hate worrying, stressing, and obsessing about Endo as well. But after I’ve meditated, sometimes, i wonder…I am a worry wart. Have been my whole life. But with Endo there is only so much that can be done. I have to learn to “let go”, to believe in a power that is higher and that is looking after my well-being. I have been meditating for quite some time now, and I wonder if Endo is actually helping me go deeper into my spirituality. I mean…there really isn’t a whole lot of places I can go to, and I cannot keep worrying and obsessing my entire life. It’s a bad habit, and perhaps this will help me move beyond worries? Let’s hope so 🙂
3. The 3rd thing I hate about Endo, is feeling tired. I didn’t realize, in fact, that this was a part of Endo. It’s something I’ve had my whole life. I’m planning on getting a blood test to see what exactly is it that I’m deficient in. I think it could be vitamin B or D…
4. Fighting depression, low self-esteem, guilt, etc.
I realize that Endo has changed my life and (for better or worse) it will never be the same again. Not being able to conceive has affected me, most definitely, and I find myself constantly battling bouts of depression (nothing extreme), low self-esteem and guilt. People who are not in the same place may not understand what happens to women who want children and are unable to conceive. It seems to be entirely unconscious, but I find myself feeling low about myself because this is something I cannot “do”. Combine this with a job that I feel “so-so” about, and now there’s a double concern w/ self-esteem. I’m just trying to focus on the things that I am good at, and also considering changing jobs to find something more meaningful and something I excel in.
What is it that keeps me motivated? I’m not sure. I guess it’s my life goals and general outlook on life: I want to be happy :). Before I wanted children (I never even thought about it!) there were other goals I wanted in life. We all have our talents, and I’m learning it’s so important to focus and delve further into them. There’s a whole other world outside of health and having children. When I think about alternatives and my options, it’s amazing how much better I feel…instantly! There is something to this. Our negative emotions make us feel like nothing will be better, that we have limited options. But our positive emotions make us feel like ANYTHING is possible. I’m not limiting myself to this world of Endo. My husband and I are looking into adopting. It’s a slow process, I’m learning, but let’s see what happens! It has really opened up my mind to possibilites :).