The last two weeks have been very stressful for me. I have taken on a new role and the previous person who held the position left things in a rather large mess. I am someone who enjoys an orderly environment to work in and I struggle to work when things don’t have their place and there is no systems. I find lack of order more stressful than I guess what most people would consider stressful – moving house or not knowing what to do in a role. Those I seem to find easy in comparison 🙂 Yes, I know I am strange…
The thing is, that my endo has really flared up the last two weeks. It hasn’t been this sore for quite some time. I have had to ask myself some really tough questions about the job and my health and my body. Ideally, I would like to just stay home and write to you as I find that the most enjoyable thing :).
A part of me wants to simply stick with it and hang in there, believing that it will get better and that I will be able to give the role the structure and organisation that I feel it needs. Another part of me questions whether it is all worth it as it is affecting my health and my stress levels. Thing is, I feel like I am kinda giving in to endo by quitting too. It is like saying, “I allow you to rule my life!”. I hate that! I want to make decisions which are based on what I really want to do.
There is also another angle to all this….. see I also think that perhaps I could handle the situation better and take things slower. A huge part of me is always forcing time. I don’t give myself enough time to allow things to unfold and get organised. I want things organised and sorted within a short time. I lack patience when things don’t get done and then get more stressed out that things are still disorganised – wow, I know TOTALLY COMPLICATED!!!!
I think I almost create the stress for myself. A part of me thinks that it is this very personality trait of needing order and structure which actually creates unnecessary stress for myself. I get annoyed when I can’t find things and things are lengthly to do because there is not a shorter and simpler way of doing things.
Now, I know a few of my friends that also have Endo suffer from these very same traits so I am hoping you girls out there can share in my thoughts on this one.
It is a really hard decision and I would love your thoughts on it.