I think one of the hardest things I found with Endometriosis, is that we cannot just go to the doctor and have a scan and know then and there, where we are at with our Endo. An Ultrasound doesn’t give us a definitive answer. They can see swollen linings and cancerous growths and large Ovarian Cysts but Endometriosis is very difficult to see on an Ultrasound. I know my Endometriosis Specialist got quite good at seeing it but most will simply say that everything looks normal. This is one of the reasons it takes so long to get a diagnosis for Endometriosis! The only way for know for sure is to go in and check things out.
This creates a certain level of worry for me. I get pain and I start to worry about what is going on in there. I just want to go in myself and have a look. See what is going on. I don’t want to necessarily cut it out or anything. I just want to know where things are at. Are they getting worse or are they getting better? The pain can be so deceiving. So many thing can cause pain down there. Poor digestion, Interstitial Cystitis, stress and even just wearing the wrong clothes for the day can cause so much pain. I even found that just eating Gluten can make me think it’s endo flaring up! It creates a certain level of stress… you know the “not knowing”. We feel pain and straight away we start to visualise the worst.
I know for many of us, the curiosity of what is going on eventually does take over and we feel the strong urge to just to have a Laparoscopy. The thing that I have realised since starting this journey on my blog is just how bad these Laparoscopies really are for us. I never even considered the damage they were doing, while trying to heal us …. or should I say cut stuff out! Every operation actually creates wounds inside, “scaring” is the term they use and the body has to heal all that. Now I know for some us, cutting it out is better than leaving things where they are but for me, I am at a stage where I would avoid those operations like the plague! I have had so many over the years and though they offered some temporary relief, they never actually solved anything. I got into a mindset where, I would carry on with the status quo… as in: eating whatever, drinking whatever and generally not taking care of myself and believing that: “Oh well I can just go for another operation to clean things up again when the pain gets worse!”. I know…. scary mindset but that is honestly how I used to live my life. To be honest, I believed that I should “live it up” for that year, or year and half while I had no pain, until I had to go for another operation. Scary when I think of it now. I saw it like a “clean up” and to be honest never even considered that there was any other options for me to deal with Endometriosis. I literally carried on with this pattern for years. Most of my 20’s. I had seven operations, and they usually followed a year to a 18month repetition. Thing is, I probably would have considered this a “way of life” for years…and years. I thought this was my only option as someone with Endometriosis.
It was only when I immigrated to Australia and couldn’t afford the Laparoscopy that I started to even consider natural healing or trying to fix the problem on my own. It was scary. I’ll be honest. I never believed in any of it. I really thought that “cutting it out” was my only form of “treatment”. It worked and though it was temporary it gave me instant pain relief.
My mom had always been into that “weird hippy healing stuff” and though some of it did seem to offer her some relief, I really didn’t think it could possibly help with such a big thing like Endo! Endometriosis was after all non curable! My Gynaechologist didn’t believe that diet or any of these supposed natural methods would do much, so why should I believe in any of it?
I felt desperate and eventually I came to a place where I gave myself an alternative. “If this alternative stuff doesn’t work in the next 6months, then I will pay for the Laparoscopy in cash!” I did. I did it properly. Changed the diet, changed my outlook, cut out stress in my life and went to see a Chinese Doctor. I also focused on my emotional aspects in my life and IT WORKED! The Endo was completely gone within 6months! I was pain free for 4years! Unfortunately I stuffed it up with going back on the pill – I simply didn’t know any better! – read more of my story in my about page.
So, I guess though there is this scary stuff going on in my head right now, worrying about what is going on inside and whether my Endo has gotten worse over the last month….. since the pain seems to have come back. I know that I can do it. I have done it before and I just need to stick to healing naturally. Give myself time to heal. Time to relax and time to allow the emotional stuff to come out, when it is ready.
I have been feeling rushed, pressured and I think this has only contributed to my Endometriosis pain getting worse. Today was different. I let it go. I let the worry go. I let the thoughts of “what is going on inside me” go and I just let things be. I allowed myself to trust that “everything will be okay” and “you will get there”. It is amazing how much better my pain levels have been today and how much more in control I feel.
So, if you are feeling pressured, stressed and like you just don’t know where to turn. Give yourself time. Start to believe that you can heal and start to search for real answers. Answers that allow you to heal yourself.
I know we are always curious about what is going on in there because we worry that it is getting worse. Even if it is, we can heal that too and we can find natural ways to flush out whatever is building up in there too 🙂 Laparoscopies are not your only answers. There are plenty of ways to “clean out” the endo without digging around in there, causing bruising and extra scaring.
I hope you keep searching for more natural options to allow your body to really heal. I know I am and I will keep searching as I discover them 🙂