I need a Drink! Give me Alcohol!

I need a Drink! Give me Alcohol!

At times I feel like alcohol, especially the type that comes in a beautifully decorated cocktail glass! I feel a strong urge for alcohol when endo is sore, life is uncertain and everything is over complicated! My mind races with options and I just want to be numb, just for a few hours and feel nothing. Alcohol has been my friend for Endo many times. To be honest it was a great reliever of pain when nothing else would work. I should probably not really admit this but I am sure you have discovered the same thing with alcohol!

Well, last week Friday, I gave in to the urge and decided to feel that floaty feeling for a night. It was easy enough and it is so easy to find people to go out with when you are in the drinking spirit – excuse the pun! New Zealand and Australia have such a strong drinking culture that it is considered “trendy” to drink. It is fun when you want to drink – a little more challenging when you don’t!

Anyways, so I had a few shots and about half a bottle of wine. At the time I felt great! It was a great night and talked about many topics, one perhaps wouldn’t brace on if one is sober! I partied like I haven’t for a while and enjoyed the evening with heaps of people!

Thing is, the night comes to an end and then the morning comes……

Endo doesn’t like alcohol! In fact, our whole body doesn’t like alcohol and it has taken me THREE WHOLE DAYS to fully recover from one night of alcohol! Admittedly it hasn’t been as bad as it usually was but I still felt terrible. Yesterday was probably the worst of the three days. Perhaps, it was a final expression to me from my body, not to do that again! I had the runs and just felt really tired. The second day, I felt exhausted – my poor liver was working overtime! It was funny cos I hadn’t even made the connection between my little drinking escapades on Friday as anything. I blamed my change of life and everything else – until I read my article this morning about how to recognise body language – yes I know I am slightly strange!

I think alcohol is like a toxin to our bodies. It is like sheer poison and just nasty for our poor bodies! I know all of that and that I should just sit and do some Yoga or meditate or something but….

I know when I was younger I drank a little but never excessively. I always felt nauseous. Though my friends found this quite nice – they had a driving buddy – I hated it! I wanted to get so drunk that I could be as silly as everyone else! I always felt left out because I couldn’t keep up. My body just got to a point where it rejected the alcohol. It wasn’t very long either – usually after two drinks. Now you can’t get too drunk on two drinks! Some people found this quite beneficial as I also knew when to stop but it wasn’t really by choice!

It is only now, that I am older and hopefully wiser, that I realise why my body reacted this way and still does. My liver is just bung! That is it and perhaps it is a good thing.

Sometimes, I hate it though. I sometimes feel so excluded from society because of it. People all go out and enjoy drinking. It a great social thing and things can be so much sillier when you’re drunk. I inherently know it is bad for me but there is also a part of me that wants to belong and feel like I am part of the group. Is this bad? Is it bad to want to belong and perhaps forgo ones health for a little to enjoy that feeling?

Perhaps it is. Perhaps there is a bigger principle here. I know that it can be hard to fit in with people because of our endo. Not just because we can’t keep up but because we have to be different. We have to eat better, drink no alcohol and we have to consider our health all the time. This may be strenuous but it is a choice we are taking for our health and for the better of who we are. We have chosen to heal ourselves the natural way and to put our body first! Everything about who we are in so inherently directing us to be pure and healthy. I guess we just need to find a place to belong within health and find others that share our belief in health and putting our bodies first! Luckily, we have spaces like this to do that!

Big hugs,

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Share your thoughts...

  1. I too can only have a sip and feel horrible for the next few days…I’ve been dealing with endo for years and only recently I can’t even handle one drink..I’m 31 and I don’t feel old. I feel like I’m still young enough to go out for drinks and not be excessively doing it. I feel like endo has taken over every bit of my life. I had a hysterectomy when I was 29 and endo never went away. In fact it came back worse. I’m gluton intolerant now and I feel lost.

  2. I personally just turned 21 about 5 months ago and have been on the endo diet for a little over 2 months. Maybe it’s because I’m young, but as long as I drink in small amounts, on rare occasions and stay away from my beloved beer I don’t feel wretched in the morning. I drink heaps of water before and after drinking. The next day I have a extra glass of 100% cranberry juice water (about a tablespoon per 8oz). I try and drink at least one glass of this mixture a day. I decided when I started that there were going to be times that I cheated on the diet but I wanted it to be rare and small. I don’t cheat anywhere else and I never drink the week before or the week of my period. I actually had a wonderful experience going out last night to celebrate the end of this semester. We went to a quaint little waffle joint and I had no intention of ordering any food (didn’t want to be disappointed in everything I couldn’t eat) but my roommate encouraged me to tell the cook my dietary restrictions and have him whip up something not on the menu. (She is a regular there and gets lots of special treatment so I wouldn’t recommend this for everyone). He made the best gluten free veggie wrap I have ever tasted! It had mushrooms, onions, spinach, bell peppers, carrots and green beans! =] Most of the time, however, I quite enjoy sitting home sipping tea and watching TV or movies. It’s all about your attitude.

  3. I call it the Disproportionate Hangover – you know when you drink a glass of wine but by the way you feel the next morning, it’s as though you have drunk a whole bottle?!
    It’s a shame and I relate to the inner conflict – avoiding alcohol is good for me physically and mentally but bad for me socially. The drinking culture is huge here in the UK as well.

    My friend asked the other day, about the Disproportionate Hangover: “is that an extra little gift from Endo because it isn’t bad enough already?” and that made me smile…..

    It isn’t fair though is it? 🙂

  4. Well once again I relate! Fell off the wagon a couple weeks ago and suffered for it, and my face still hasn't fully recovered yet (Combination of alcohol and bad food on that one). Then last night I had not even half a glass of wine and my stomach rebelled right away! And this coming weekend is Halloween weekend and I'm going out… and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to behave and have some drinks… So even though I love doing what I'm doing to heal myself, to get better… It is really hard to handle sometimes, and yes I want to get away from reality too. I so don't want to feel pain, I so don't want to feel sad, I so don't want to feel scared, I so don't want to feel different, I so don't want to feel stressed… And the next morning comes and I could kick myself for not being able to control myself. And I know we're only human, but dang it's hard!!

    • I cheated on the face thing and bought some Coconut Oil. I put it on at night and sleep with it on and my skin is heaps better by the morning! Coconuty – hmmm!
      I think we should invent a drink, that looks like a drink so we can look like we're also having alcohol meantime we're having apple juice! This way we can be good and still look the part! I don't find it too hard to act drunk! 🙂

        • I found out about Coconut Oil from one of my YouTube favourites – Underground Wellness. Really cool guy! I need to do a whole video on it cos it is soooo beneficial for us – inside and outside!
          I just smear it on my face, leave it overnight and everything looks better by the morning – sometimes it takes a few more days.
          It smells yummy too!

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